1
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:26,983
♪ Oh, darling
2
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:31,901
♪ I love you in the morning
3
00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:34,164
♪ I love you in the afternoon
4
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,427
Chuck, you know I love you.
5
00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,212
Of course, Betty.
I love you too.
6
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,867
And I know I've made
you wait a long time.
7
00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:43,043
Yeah.
8
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,480
A long time.
9
00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:48,961
Well tonight, that all ends.
10
00:00:49,005 --> 00:00:50,398
What do you mean?
11
00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:53,662
Chuck, tonight is the night
12
00:00:53,705 --> 00:00:55,272
I'm going to give myself to you.
13
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:59,102
I'm ready to take things
to the next level.
14
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,582
Are you sure?
15
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:01,713
We're gonna do it?
16
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:04,847
All right.
17
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:11,288
♪ Oh, darling
18
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:16,032
♪ Whatever I have to do ♪
19
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,818
♪ Oh, pretty baby
20
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:23,431
♪ How I'm in love with you
21
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:48,586
♪ Your eyes, they hypnotize me
22
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:53,896
♪ Your walk is so divine ♪
23
00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:59,031
♪ So I will keep on asking you
24
00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:02,122
♪ Until you will be mine
25
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:07,083
♪ Whoa, darlin'
26
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:12,044
♪ I love you I the morning
27
00:02:12,088 --> 00:02:15,744
♪ I love you in the afternoon
28
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:19,443
♪ How soon will you love me
29
00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:26,058
That was awesome.
30
00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:27,321
Yeah.
31
00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:29,497
But...
32
00:02:31,107 --> 00:02:33,718
now that my virginity
is behind us,
33
00:02:33,762 --> 00:02:36,286
I think I'm ready to take
things to the next level.
34
00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:38,506
What do you mean?
35
00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:39,811
I thought we just did.
36
00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:42,684
Come on, Chuck, don't be coy.
37
00:02:42,727 --> 00:02:44,338
You know what I mean.
38
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:45,426
Anal.
39
00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:48,080
Seriously?
40
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,996
Yeah, I love you, Chuck,
41
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,215
and I know you love me.
42
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:56,176
♪ Giddyup horsie
43
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:58,221
♪ Come on, let go
44
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,487
Yeah.
45
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:06,011
♪ Who's riding your pony
46
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:08,753
♪ Holy poly
47
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:11,452
yeah.
48
00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:12,540
Oh, yeah.
49
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,416
Wow.
50
00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:22,463
I know.
51
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:24,116
That fucking ruled!
52
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:26,249
But...
53
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,424
But what?
54
00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:31,646
Well, it's just now
that the ass sex
55
00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:33,735
is in the bag,
56
00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:36,433
I think we're ready to take
things to the next level.
57
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,785
What other level is there?
58
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:45,050
Next level!
59
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:46,313
Who are they?
60
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:48,358
Next level!
61
00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:55,583
Next level!
62
00:03:57,454 --> 00:03:58,629
Next level!
63
00:04:00,152 --> 00:04:01,850
No more levels.
64
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,421
I'll be right back.
65
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,040
Maybe I rush things.
66
00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:40,192
♪ Sex me up
67
00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:42,020
♪ And I'll sex you down
68
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,761
♪ Whatever you want
69
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,676
♪ Is my command
70
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,374
♪ I'm into SandM
71
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:49,289
♪ I'm neither butch or fam
72
00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:51,073
♪ And now don't you understand
73
00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:53,205
♪ I'm into any ma'am
74
00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:55,207
♪ Sex me up
75
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:56,687
♪ And I'll sex you down
76
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:58,602
♪ I get on the floor
77
00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:00,604
♪ I turn around
78
00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,476
♪ Get on my hands and knees
79
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,216
♪ On your command I freeze
80
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:05,914
♪ I hope this never cease
81
00:05:05,957 --> 00:05:08,046
♪ Come get me won't you please
82
00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:09,744
♪ But she won't hold me
83
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,746
♪ And she won't squeeze me
84
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,530
♪ Do what you told me
85
00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:15,271
♪ She lover please now
86
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,229
♪ 'Cause she won't hold me
87
00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:19,188
♪ And she won't squeeze me
88
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:20,929
♪ Do what you told me
89
00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:22,887
♪ She'll only tease me
90
00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:24,759
♪ Hey
91
00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:42,254
♪ She said hey
92
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:47,085
♪ I said hey sex me up
93
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:49,131
♪ And I'll sex you down
94
00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:50,741
♪ Sex me up
95
00:05:50,785 --> 00:05:52,787
♪ And I'll sex you down
96
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:57,008
♪ Sex me up
and I'll sex you down ♪
97
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:03,406
Remember, students,
98
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,190
it's Sexual Awareness
Month.
99
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,715
Gentlemen, pick up your
free condoms in the gym.
100
00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:08,759
And, ladies...
101
00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:09,978
Oh, I got Leila tonight.
102
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,937
- Same chick as the night before?
- You crazy?
103
00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,243
I can't have the same
chick coming around
104
00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,940
two nights in a row.
105
00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:17,420
That's bordering on a
relationship right there.
106
00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:18,900
I like to play the field.
107
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,292
This is exactly
what I don't understand.
108
00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:21,729
How does he do it?
109
00:06:21,772 --> 00:06:23,252
He just goes out
and gets it done, man.
110
00:06:23,295 --> 00:06:24,775
That's how he does it.
111
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:26,342
You can't sit around
and wait for Santa
112
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,344
to bring you some ass
under the tree.
113
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,477
Dude, how psyched
are you for first period?
114
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,609
Mr. Matthews' sex ed class.
115
00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:34,437
Man, the dude's a total freak.
116
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:35,830
Can't wait to go on
there and talk about
117
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:37,571
all the ass we've slammed.
118
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,442
It's gonna be awesome, bro.
119
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:40,704
No doubt, bro.
120
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,101
I can't take this class.
121
00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:48,364
Why not?
122
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,062
Why not? Did you not just
hear that conversation?
123
00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:54,022
Yeah. What did he say,
how much ass we've slammed?
124
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:56,372
- Yeah, bro.
- Exactly. No.
125
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,461
The class is just gonna be
with a bunch of pervs
126
00:06:58,505 --> 00:06:59,941
who are open
about their sex lives.
127
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:01,464
And frankly, I don't have one.
128
00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,379
That's sad.
You're not bad-looking.
129
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,033
And your legs work.
130
00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:06,948
And I'm not gonna have
sex with just anybody
131
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:08,166
'cause I know
that's what you two
132
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,516
are thinking right now, sorry.
133
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:11,126
Not gonna happen.
134
00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:12,649
Doesn't have to just be anybody.
135
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:14,738
Look, look, look.
How about you start off
136
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,697
with a nice little virgin
like Betty?
137
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,439
Hey, Betty.
138
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,136
Okay, everyone, bring it on in.
139
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:24,139
We got a lot to do
and little time to cover it.
140
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:27,534
I can feel the sexuality
brewing in here already.
141
00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:29,274
Oh, no. Stacy's in this class?
142
00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,102
What do you mean, oh, no?
143
00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:32,974
You've been trying to tap that
since the fifth grade?
144
00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:34,192
This is an opportunity.
145
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,498
You're in a class with her.
146
00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,152
Go talk to her!
147
00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,675
- What would I say?
- Listen,
148
00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,285
all a girl wants
is for you to be yourself.
149
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:41,852
So do that, be yourself.
150
00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:43,550
Or just shake your dick at her.
151
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,247
You know, whatever feels right.
152
00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:47,858
Hi.
153
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:49,730
- Hello.
- Hello.
154
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:50,861
Hey, Stacy.
155
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,343
It looks like we're gonna be
having sex together.
156
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:56,519
What?
157
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,042
Ed. Class.
158
00:07:58,086 --> 00:07:59,435
Sex ed class together.
159
00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:04,005
I'm sorry, just [babbling],
you know, woo!
160
00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:05,049
Bye.
161
00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:06,921
Yeah, later.
162
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:09,576
My name is Mr. Matthews.
163
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:12,492
First off, there is
no teachers in here.
164
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:16,539
Just a bunch of people exploring
their sexuality, right?
165
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,541
So once you enter
through that door,
166
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,543
you're coming through
a no-bullshit zone.
167
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:23,894
That's right.
I said bullshit, huh?
168
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,070
We're keeping it real
in here, people.
169
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:27,637
Now listen up.
170
00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:29,770
Teen sexuality is a
living, breathing thing.
171
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,554
And we're gonna
explore that concept
172
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:32,990
from every different angle
173
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:34,470
we can get our greasy
little hands on.
174
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,558
And you're gonna share.
175
00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:37,255
I'm gonna share right now.
176
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,431
Hell, I've had sex with
koi fish.
177
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:40,694
There, I said it.
178
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:42,173
Sometimes you find me naked
179
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,784
down the bottom
of a funball pool
180
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:45,960
at your local fast
food restaurant.
181
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:48,353
True story. Okay.
182
00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:51,443
Let's do a little role playing
exercise in here.
183
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:53,358
I want each and every one of you
184
00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:56,144
to decide that you're gonna
have sex with someone
185
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,537
for the very first time.
186
00:08:58,973 --> 00:09:00,670
Okay, partner up, people.
187
00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:01,845
Stacy needs a partner.
188
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:03,151
Seize the day, bro.
189
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,326
Man, screw the day.
190
00:09:04,369 --> 00:09:07,111
Seize the booty.
191
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:42,756
That's a good union there.
192
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,671
I like that. I saw that
when I came in.
193
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:48,239
Mr. Matthews?
194
00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:49,763
Yes?
195
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,678
I don't think
there's any girls left.
196
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,637
Mike, human sexuality
isn't always
197
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:55,899
between man and woman.
198
00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,118
Stand up, Doug.
199
00:09:57,814 --> 00:09:59,468
Class, I'd like to introduce you
200
00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:01,601
to our first gay couple,
Mike and Doug.
201
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,387
Just because they'll
be experimenting
202
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:06,867
with man-on-man lovemaking
203
00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:09,086
and assorted homo-buggery,
204
00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:11,480
don't treat them
any differently.
205
00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:13,351
Mike, I think you're
gonna be on bottom.
206
00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:16,441
Okay.
207
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,663
I'll be the stay-at-home dad.
208
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,404
Oh, wow.
209
00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,675
So, Matt,
what advice do you have
210
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,677
for young people about sex?
211
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,419
Advice. Uh...
212
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:40,030
Guys, be responsible.
213
00:10:40,074 --> 00:10:43,860
You know, always wear a rubber.
214
00:10:43,904 --> 00:10:47,429
Of course it feels way better
to do it without one.
215
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,779
Unless, of course,
it's a Vietnamese hooker.
216
00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:52,173
And then I think you
just take your chances.
217
00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:54,697
As long as there's a naked chick
somewhere in the room,
218
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,525
you are not gay.
219
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:59,136
If you have an STD,
do not tell your partner.
220
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:01,399
It is a lose-lose situation.
221
00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:04,098
Fellas, be nice to your partner.
222
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:06,230
In the morning,
if she needs a ride home,
223
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:07,884
point her to the nearest
bus stop
224
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:09,494
before you go back to sleep.
225
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:11,583
Be a good guy.
226
00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:16,153
Today, one out
of three young adults
227
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:18,416
has a sexually
transmitted disease.
228
00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:21,376
And letting
a former hookup know
229
00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:23,595
that you've got genital
cooties can be pretty hard.
230
00:11:27,861 --> 00:11:29,645
Now there's an easier way.
231
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:33,823
At STD-E-cards,
you can share the bad news
232
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:34,998
with one click.
233
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:38,088
Pick from such messages as
234
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:41,352
"You gave me your heart,
I gave you gonorrhea."
235
00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:44,660
Or "Thanks for the blowjob,
sorry about the herpes."
236
00:11:47,663 --> 00:11:50,144
- It's from Kevin!
- That hot guy
237
00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:51,580
that you hooked up
with this weekend?
238
00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,495
- Yeah.
- What's it say?
239
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,366
"Roses are red,
violets are blue.
240
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:57,717
I gave you syphilis
when we screwed at the zoo."
241
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,374
That was easy.
242
00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:05,202
STD-E-cards,
243
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:07,639
where bad news travels fast.
244
00:12:13,515 --> 00:12:14,734
Attention, students.
245
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:16,736
Prom is fast approaching.
246
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:20,087
Get your free STD screening
in the nurses' office.
247
00:12:25,527 --> 00:12:27,137
Hi, Carla.
248
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:28,791
Oh, hey.
249
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,228
Hey, listen, I know
it's kind of last minute,
250
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:33,622
but I wanna know if you maybe
wanna go to the prom
251
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:34,841
with me tonight.
252
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:36,625
Oh, I'm sorry, Justin,
253
00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:39,541
someone already asked me
three weeks ago.
254
00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,849
Oh, okay. That's all right.
255
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:44,676
But have fun, though.
256
00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:28,068
I've been using these
257
00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:30,287
since the Eisenhower
administration.
258
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:34,291
Can I help you?
259
00:13:34,335 --> 00:13:35,292
Huh?
260
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:36,816
Nuh-uh, no.
261
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,567
She's a real beaut, isn't she?
262
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:29,433
This just isn't right.
263
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:34,656
I wish we've met years ago.
264
00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:38,878
♪ So much love
265
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:43,926
♪ You've given me so much love
266
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,146
♪ Every day
267
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:51,151
♪ The one thing
I can count on ♪
268
00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:54,415
♪ So much love ♪
269
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:58,027
♪ Like a river with no end
270
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:02,902
I've always wanted to see
the Grand Canyon too.
271
00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:06,427
♪ You brought me love
272
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,342
♪ Yes dream come true
273
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:12,563
♪ Everyday with
you, so much love ♪
274
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:18,221
Justin. I haven't seen you
around much lately.
275
00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:19,744
I've been busy.
276
00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:21,746
Well, prom wasn't
the same without you.
277
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,053
- Really?
- Yeah.
278
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:26,403
I was wondering if we could
go out sometime.
279
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:28,101
- Me and you?
- Dinner?
280
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:29,580
Maybe Saturday night?
281
00:15:31,669 --> 00:15:33,106
And just when I thought
282
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:35,760
the night could not
get any worse,
283
00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:38,415
he pukes all over my dress.
284
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,156
It was horrible.
285
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,550
I'm sure you still looked
beautiful, though.
286
00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:44,639
Thanks, but I didn't.
287
00:15:44,682 --> 00:15:46,815
I had vomit all over me.
288
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,599
You're so amazing.
289
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:49,905
You really are.
290
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:56,042
What, no, that's ridiculous.
291
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:58,392
I'm going to play poker
with some of the guys.
292
00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,568
Don't worry, I'll be
back by 10, all right?
293
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,317
Hello?
294
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:13,059
Hello.
295
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:16,323
Who is this?
296
00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,585
Anyone there?
297
00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:20,153
Look, don't be a pussy.
298
00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:21,589
Just tell me who it is.
299
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:24,984
Stop calling me!
300
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:26,072
Another prank call.
301
00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:31,860
I know what you're up to,
302
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:33,688
and it's gotta stop.
303
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:35,646
Leave Carla alone!
304
00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:37,779
It's over. Get used to it.
305
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:57,886
Where were you this morning?
306
00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,496
I thought you were
gonna watch me practice.
307
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:02,325
Oh, sorry, I forgot.
308
00:17:02,369 --> 00:17:04,327
We'll are you coming to
my game on Friday night?
309
00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:06,895
Actually, I'm going to Len's
party with Stacy.
310
00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:08,288
You know what?
There's someone else
311
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:09,941
who actually cares about me.
312
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:10,986
Goodbye, Carla.
313
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,209
Justin, where are you going?
314
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:28,003
What?
315
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:40,407
Why, why did you do this?!
316
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:43,062
Someone call 911!
317
00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:46,456
Help!
318
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,285
Why?
319
00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:53,855
Why?
320
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:00,992
So what's the kinkiest thing
321
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:02,864
you've ever done in bed?
322
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,826
The two of us
licked whipped cream
323
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,089
off each other once.
324
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,438
That was fun.
325
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:13,048
- That was pretty kinky.
- Yeah.
326
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,137
What about you?
327
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:16,269
I don't know.
328
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:19,489
Come on, don't act all shy.
329
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,665
What if my parents are watching?
330
00:18:21,709 --> 00:18:23,232
Come on.
331
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:24,799
Does it have to be
the kinkiest thing
332
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:27,062
that we've done together?
333
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,282
No, it could have
been on your own.
334
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:30,979
Well.
335
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:32,850
This one time I had sex
with this Black guy
336
00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:34,809
while his best friend
did me in the ass.
337
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,593
And then I sucked
both their dicks
338
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,900
at the same time!
339
00:18:38,943 --> 00:18:40,771
That was kinda kinky.
340
00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:41,946
What?
341
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:43,122
- That's great.
- Baby.
342
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,394
Bring it on in.
343
00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:56,439
We got a lot to do
and a little time to do it.
344
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:57,962
Wanna make sure
we can cram it all in.
345
00:18:58,006 --> 00:18:59,964
That's what she said.
346
00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:01,444
You guys know
what I'm talking about.
347
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:02,489
You gotta sit next to Stacy.
348
00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:03,968
You gotta be her partner.
349
00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:06,188
Yeah, man, don't be
scared, go ahead.
350
00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:07,842
All right. Good.
351
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:10,149
We're all getting
in a circle, this is great.
352
00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:11,150
Okay.
353
00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:15,066
Let's talk about penises.
354
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,155
Yeah!
355
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:17,852
That's right, everyone.
356
00:19:17,895 --> 00:19:19,593
I said the big p word.
357
00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:21,986
Okay, the most common question.
358
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,466
What's normal?
359
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:26,208
Simple answer,
there's no such thing.
360
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:30,212
Penises come in a variety of
different shapes and sizes.
361
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,301
Huh, all righty.
362
00:19:32,345 --> 00:19:34,390
As you can tell
from the molds cast
363
00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:36,740
from actual penises
we have here.
364
00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:40,483
Got them all different
from all over the globe.
365
00:19:40,527 --> 00:19:42,964
Now, the next one
we like to call
366
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:44,226
the Fire Plug.
367
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:45,923
It's short and stocky,
368
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:48,491
but boy, when you get
it excited, kablooey!
369
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,799
Like a sawed-off shotgun,
I tell ya.
370
00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:53,627
All right, what do we have next?
371
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:54,932
Now this one's
called the Tadpole.
372
00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:56,456
Why is it called the Tadpole?
373
00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:57,935
'Cause it's got a larger
head tapering down
374
00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,850
into a smaller shaft.
375
00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:03,767
We like to call this guy
the Mushroom Cloud, if you will.
376
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,334
Yeah, I thought
you'd like that one.
377
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:06,596
Oh.
378
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,250
Now this is an interesting one.
379
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:10,557
Looks small, but if
you know how to use it,
380
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,298
I'll tell you it's quite
a powerful weapon.
381
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:14,300
It's called the Torpedo.
382
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:16,389
You know what I mean?
Or the Meat Cone.
383
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:17,738
'Cause it's got a tiny head
384
00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:19,653
tapering into a large shaft.
385
00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:21,263
Nice.
386
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:23,265
Hand that guy around.
That's a good one.
387
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:25,224
We like to call that
one the Roto Rooter.
388
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:29,053
Next we have what's
called the Super Huge.
389
00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:30,881
That's right.
390
00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:33,623
We also like to call this
the Great American Challenge.
391
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:35,103
Ladies, you're gonna love
392
00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:37,323
the cervix stimulation
on that guy.
393
00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:41,675
Okay, this next one's
interesting, all right?
394
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,329
I found this one online.
395
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,332
It's the Doubleheader,
ladies and gentlemen.
396
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:48,334
It is out there, believe me.
397
00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:49,726
Hand that around.
398
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:51,946
Okay everyone, pass 'em around.
399
00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:53,426
Look em up and down.
400
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:55,515
Now, freeze.
401
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,386
Okay, gentlemen,
402
00:20:57,430 --> 00:20:59,780
the penises in your hands,
403
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:01,260
that is your penis.
404
00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:04,567
Ladies, put your penises down
405
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,917
and partner up with the
person closest to you.
406
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:11,095
It looks like you
got a small one, huh?
407
00:21:11,139 --> 00:21:13,010
Yeah.
408
00:21:13,054 --> 00:21:15,012
Okay, now I'm gonna
hand out some condoms
409
00:21:15,056 --> 00:21:16,492
for each group.
410
00:21:16,536 --> 00:21:18,189
Here you go, everyone
get a condom.
411
00:21:18,233 --> 00:21:19,582
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
412
00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:21,323
I'm gonna have
you put the condom
413
00:21:21,367 --> 00:21:23,673
on the man's penis together.
414
00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:28,548
Okay, the reason I'm having you
put these condoms on together
415
00:21:28,591 --> 00:21:32,552
is because contraception is
both partners' responsibility.
416
00:21:33,988 --> 00:21:35,294
I have to say that. Sorry.
417
00:21:40,255 --> 00:21:42,039
Michael, looks like you
got a little room there.
418
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:44,825
That's because, Mike,
you have a very small penis.
419
00:21:47,436 --> 00:21:50,483
Okay everyone,
let's talk about fetishes.
420
00:21:50,526 --> 00:21:53,399
Now a fetish is
basically an obsession
421
00:21:53,442 --> 00:21:55,314
with leather, black leather,
422
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:57,359
and bits, mouth bits.
423
00:21:57,403 --> 00:21:59,535
Who likes a ball in
their mouth, anyone?
424
00:22:03,887 --> 00:22:05,367
Oh, baby, you look so good.
425
00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:06,629
You wanna do it right now, baby?
426
00:22:06,673 --> 00:22:08,457
- Hell, yeah, I do.
- Okay.
427
00:22:12,809 --> 00:22:14,245
Oh, wait.
428
00:22:14,289 --> 00:22:15,769
You know what would be
even hotter?
429
00:22:15,812 --> 00:22:16,900
What?
430
00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:21,818
This.
431
00:22:21,862 --> 00:22:23,733
You want me to wear a hat?
432
00:22:23,777 --> 00:22:26,388
Oh, yeah, baby.
That shit is so hot.
433
00:22:26,432 --> 00:22:27,694
- Okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
434
00:22:31,567 --> 00:22:35,658
Wait. You know what else
would be so smoking hot?
435
00:22:35,702 --> 00:22:36,790
What?
436
00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:40,881
This big mole.
437
00:22:40,924 --> 00:22:42,926
What? Ew!
438
00:22:42,970 --> 00:22:44,711
It's hot, trust me.
439
00:22:44,754 --> 00:22:46,060
For me?
440
00:22:46,103 --> 00:22:47,409
Fine.
441
00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:50,369
Now can we do it?
442
00:22:50,412 --> 00:22:51,500
Yeah.
443
00:23:07,995 --> 00:23:09,910
Ronny! What the hell?
444
00:23:09,953 --> 00:23:11,781
- What?
- I didn't wanna say this
445
00:23:11,825 --> 00:23:13,957
but you clearly wanna have sex
with Abraham Lincoln.
446
00:23:14,001 --> 00:23:15,263
That's crazy!
447
00:23:16,743 --> 00:23:17,787
Is it?
448
00:23:17,831 --> 00:23:19,093
Look around you, Ronny.
449
00:23:19,136 --> 00:23:20,660
You're obsessed with him!
450
00:23:20,703 --> 00:23:22,183
He was a great man.
451
00:23:22,226 --> 00:23:24,228
What's wrong
with paying tribute?
452
00:23:26,143 --> 00:23:27,754
Paying tribute is one thing.
453
00:23:27,797 --> 00:23:29,277
Trying to turn your
girlfriend into him
454
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:30,844
so you can get a hard-on
is another.
455
00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:33,063
Yeah, I'm out of here.
456
00:23:33,107 --> 00:23:35,109
Call me when you get
some therapy.
457
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:41,420
Sue.
458
00:23:41,768 --> 00:23:44,205
That was my last beard.
459
00:23:44,248 --> 00:23:46,033
Can the transporter be fixed,
460
00:23:46,076 --> 00:23:48,731
or is all hopeless
for our heroines?
461
00:23:48,775 --> 00:23:50,733
Will Alice and Betty
make it home?
462
00:23:50,777 --> 00:23:54,607
Find out next
on Babes Lost in Time!
463
00:23:55,869 --> 00:23:57,000
Time!
464
00:24:41,958 --> 00:24:43,786
Forward into the past!
465
00:24:45,919 --> 00:24:47,355
Here I come, Abe!
466
00:26:55,048 --> 00:26:57,398
Ladies.
467
00:26:57,441 --> 00:26:59,792
You do not, I repeat,
you do not have to have sex
468
00:26:59,835 --> 00:27:01,402
with a guy for him to like you.
469
00:27:03,056 --> 00:27:04,797
But it helps.
470
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,103
You wanna remain a virgin
until you're married?
471
00:27:07,147 --> 00:27:09,453
Two words: butt sex.
472
00:27:09,497 --> 00:27:10,846
Look,
473
00:27:10,890 --> 00:27:12,065
if you like to be choked,
it's okay.
474
00:27:12,108 --> 00:27:13,457
Everyone likes it a little.
475
00:27:13,501 --> 00:27:15,416
Just don't go too far.
476
00:27:15,459 --> 00:27:17,723
Blue is a warning sign.
477
00:27:23,554 --> 00:27:24,991
So what's the kinkiest thing
478
00:27:25,034 --> 00:27:26,601
either one of you
has ever done in bed?
479
00:27:30,039 --> 00:27:31,475
- Woo!
- Well, check it.
480
00:27:31,519 --> 00:27:33,086
I'm at the club one night
481
00:27:33,129 --> 00:27:34,914
and I meet this little
white chick, right?
482
00:27:34,957 --> 00:27:36,524
So next thing you know,
I get in her ear, man,
483
00:27:36,567 --> 00:27:38,308
and she lets me take
her back to my spot
484
00:27:38,352 --> 00:27:41,442
and she did me and him
at the same time.
485
00:27:41,485 --> 00:27:42,573
And then she blew us.
486
00:27:42,617 --> 00:27:43,923
- Woo man!
- You're kidding.
487
00:27:43,966 --> 00:27:46,360
That girl was off
the chain, man.
488
00:27:46,403 --> 00:27:48,710
Hey, you know, uh,
shit, what can I say?
489
00:27:48,754 --> 00:27:50,190
That little little woman
490
00:27:50,233 --> 00:27:51,713
had a big old
12-pound pussy, man,
491
00:27:51,757 --> 00:27:52,932
where she get that from, man?
492
00:27:52,975 --> 00:27:54,629
There was a lot of acrobatics
493
00:27:54,673 --> 00:27:55,848
in that motherfucker,
you know what I'm saying?
494
00:27:55,891 --> 00:27:57,327
You know what? She was small,
495
00:27:57,371 --> 00:27:58,720
but she did a lot
of big things, baby.
496
00:27:58,764 --> 00:28:01,636
Hey, Kim,
holla at your boy, woo!
497
00:28:04,247 --> 00:28:06,249
Women spend most of their time
498
00:28:06,293 --> 00:28:08,382
stretching their breasts,
499
00:28:08,425 --> 00:28:10,514
- adding a new ring each year.
- Ooh.
500
00:28:10,558 --> 00:28:13,039
They probably like it
when they stretch them.
501
00:28:13,082 --> 00:28:14,040
Yeah.
502
00:28:14,083 --> 00:28:15,650
I know they do.
503
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:17,217
I could be there.
504
00:28:17,260 --> 00:28:19,349
Holy crap!
It's Saturday night.
505
00:28:19,393 --> 00:28:21,743
You guys are getting
stiffies watching PBS?
506
00:28:21,787 --> 00:28:22,831
You're pathetic.
507
00:28:22,875 --> 00:28:24,746
Get out of my room, RJ!
508
00:28:24,790 --> 00:28:26,400
Whatever, knock!
509
00:28:26,443 --> 00:28:27,706
Stupid.
510
00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:29,751
He's right, you know.
511
00:28:29,795 --> 00:28:31,622
I mean this is pathetic.
512
00:28:31,666 --> 00:28:33,146
What else are we gonna do?
513
00:28:33,189 --> 00:28:34,538
It's not like we can
actually get laid.
514
00:28:34,582 --> 00:28:36,192
Let's just watch this.
515
00:28:36,236 --> 00:28:37,933
Unless we come up with a way
516
00:28:37,977 --> 00:28:40,153
to build an artificial woman
from your computer.
517
00:28:41,894 --> 00:28:43,852
And then program her
to have sex with us.
518
00:28:45,201 --> 00:28:46,550
You're a genius!
519
00:28:47,769 --> 00:28:48,814
This is stupid, Barry.
520
00:28:48,857 --> 00:28:50,424
Shut up.
521
00:28:50,467 --> 00:28:52,034
Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
522
00:28:52,078 --> 00:28:53,732
Relax. I'm gonna give her
Halle Berry's face.
523
00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:54,820
- Okay.
- Beyoncé's ass.
524
00:28:54,863 --> 00:28:55,995
Right.
525
00:28:56,038 --> 00:28:57,779
Bam, Tyra's boobs.
526
00:28:57,823 --> 00:28:59,346
Tyra probably got bigger nipples
than that.
527
00:28:59,389 --> 00:29:00,782
- Yeah, yeah.
- Now what's all left to do
528
00:29:00,826 --> 00:29:02,218
is just gotta make
sure she's horny,
529
00:29:02,262 --> 00:29:03,872
like really, really horny, though.
530
00:29:03,916 --> 00:29:05,482
This pair of panties, right?
531
00:29:05,526 --> 00:29:07,310
Where'd you get those
from, your place?
532
00:29:07,354 --> 00:29:08,790
All right, you ready?
Ready to lose your virginity?
533
00:29:08,834 --> 00:29:10,661
- Yeah, bro, I'm ready.
- Say goodbye.
534
00:29:12,402 --> 00:29:13,621
- Oh!
- Oh, oh!
535
00:29:17,799 --> 00:29:19,801
Ow, told you that
was stupid, Barry.
536
00:29:19,845 --> 00:29:22,586
- Be quiet, Leon.
- What you thinking?
537
00:29:27,417 --> 00:29:28,679
- Oh shit!
- Ooh!
538
00:29:28,723 --> 00:29:30,246
Woo!
539
00:29:30,290 --> 00:29:32,945
So, who gonna fuck me first?
540
00:29:32,988 --> 00:29:34,903
- Ooh!
- Him! Him!
541
00:29:34,947 --> 00:29:36,731
What the hell just happened?
542
00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,559
Panties.
They was my aunt's.
543
00:29:38,602 --> 00:29:39,952
I knew, those were
my aunt panties.
544
00:29:39,995 --> 00:29:41,562
What you waiting for?
545
00:29:41,605 --> 00:29:43,912
What, what did you say?
Who was saying?
546
00:29:43,956 --> 00:29:45,261
- Okay, that's nasty.
- Where you going?
547
00:29:45,305 --> 00:29:46,262
That's nasty.
Where you going?
548
00:29:46,306 --> 00:29:48,134
Leon! Leon!
549
00:29:48,177 --> 00:29:49,831
Don't go! Leon!
550
00:29:49,875 --> 00:29:52,921
Well.
I guess that means you first.
551
00:29:52,965 --> 00:29:54,575
No, it don't have to mean that.
552
00:29:54,618 --> 00:29:57,099
Come give mama a taste
of that sweet chocolate!
553
00:29:57,143 --> 00:29:59,014
What you talking about?
Chocolate ain't sweet.
554
00:29:59,058 --> 00:30:00,886
I'm your human sex toy,
555
00:30:00,929 --> 00:30:02,583
and I don't come
with no off button!
556
00:30:02,626 --> 00:30:04,846
Listen I think--
557
00:30:04,890 --> 00:30:07,718
You don't even have
to wear no jimmy hat!
558
00:30:13,376 --> 00:30:17,467
Save your energy, I plan
on coming a lot tonight!
559
00:30:29,915 --> 00:30:33,135
Come out, come out,
wherever you are!
560
00:30:40,577 --> 00:30:42,101
Too big for me!
561
00:30:42,144 --> 00:30:44,494
You're too big for me!
562
00:30:44,538 --> 00:30:48,150
Your ball sack
is about to get cracked!
563
00:30:48,194 --> 00:30:50,065
Oh, please let me go!
564
00:30:50,109 --> 00:30:51,284
Please, Jesus!
565
00:30:54,113 --> 00:30:56,724
You're good.
566
00:30:56,767 --> 00:31:00,423
I don't want no more.
I don't want no more.
567
00:31:00,467 --> 00:31:02,686
No, I don't want it!
568
00:31:02,730 --> 00:31:03,862
You broke my bed.
569
00:31:14,829 --> 00:31:16,526
She's so big, why's she so big?
570
00:31:16,570 --> 00:31:18,224
I must have--
571
00:31:18,267 --> 00:31:21,618
I probably hit F1 instead
of enter, I don't know.
572
00:31:21,662 --> 00:31:23,403
Here I come.
573
00:31:23,446 --> 00:31:26,972
This time your ass is mine!
574
00:31:27,015 --> 00:31:28,147
No, it's not!
575
00:31:28,190 --> 00:31:29,888
No, it's not!
576
00:31:29,931 --> 00:31:31,193
This is my ass!
577
00:31:31,237 --> 00:31:32,803
It's not yours!
578
00:31:36,155 --> 00:31:37,591
Barry? Leon?
579
00:31:44,511 --> 00:31:45,991
"Press enter now"?
580
00:31:52,867 --> 00:31:55,043
♪ Yeah
581
00:31:55,087 --> 00:31:56,827
♪ Looking good baby
582
00:31:56,871 --> 00:31:58,568
- ♪ Mami's looking bueno ♪
- Whoa!
583
00:31:59,134 --> 00:32:00,614
You're cute.
584
00:32:00,657 --> 00:32:02,050
How old are you?
585
00:32:02,094 --> 00:32:04,226
Old enough.
586
00:32:08,361 --> 00:32:10,798
♪ Here we go
587
00:32:12,191 --> 00:32:13,932
I know
you're probably too young
588
00:32:13,975 --> 00:32:15,846
to be thinking about marriage.
589
00:32:15,890 --> 00:32:16,978
But take it from me,
590
00:32:17,022 --> 00:32:19,676
if you find somebody
591
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,461
that you want to spend
the rest of your life with,
592
00:32:21,504 --> 00:32:23,202
there's nothing better.
593
00:32:24,072 --> 00:32:25,900
Thanks, sweetie.
594
00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:27,989
But, before you get married,
595
00:32:28,903 --> 00:32:31,950
make sure you explore
all your options, guys.
596
00:32:31,993 --> 00:32:34,256
And bone as many chicks
as you can.
597
00:32:35,605 --> 00:32:38,957
Well, ladies, be sure
you take the long way
598
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,959
through Dick Town too.
599
00:32:41,002 --> 00:32:43,004
I bagged at least 50 guys
600
00:32:43,048 --> 00:32:47,313
before I met this asshole
sitting next to me here.
601
00:32:47,356 --> 00:32:48,836
And a group of girls too.
602
00:32:48,879 --> 00:32:51,752
And it was no accident
that I invited
603
00:32:51,795 --> 00:32:55,625
the electrician and the
plumber on the same day.
604
00:32:55,669 --> 00:32:58,367
Ooh, woo, real hot.
605
00:32:58,411 --> 00:33:00,587
Guys, listen up.
606
00:33:00,630 --> 00:33:02,241
If you're planning on
having a threesome,
607
00:33:02,284 --> 00:33:05,592
you better do it
before you get married.
608
00:33:05,635 --> 00:33:09,030
But trust me, there's
no better sensation
609
00:33:10,162 --> 00:33:12,251
than two women making out
610
00:33:12,294 --> 00:33:14,340
while riding your Johnson.
611
00:33:14,383 --> 00:33:15,994
I almost forgot.
612
00:33:16,037 --> 00:33:17,560
Book yourself a ticket to--
613
00:33:17,604 --> 00:33:20,128
Try sleeping with your
fiancée's best man
614
00:33:21,260 --> 00:33:22,870
and his brother
615
00:33:22,913 --> 00:33:24,959
at the wedding reception.
616
00:33:25,003 --> 00:33:30,008
Very hot.
617
00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:06,827
Great.
618
00:34:28,631 --> 00:34:33,071
Oh.
619
00:34:33,114 --> 00:34:34,072
That's nice.
620
00:34:42,210 --> 00:34:43,298
Oh shit.
621
00:34:51,132 --> 00:34:53,613
Dammit, dammit, dammit!
622
00:34:53,656 --> 00:34:55,528
Honey, dinner's ready!
623
00:34:55,571 --> 00:34:57,138
Oh, my God.
624
00:34:57,182 --> 00:34:58,444
Oh, my God.
625
00:34:58,487 --> 00:34:59,619
Oh, this is bad.
626
00:35:02,926 --> 00:35:04,493
Can you pass
the mashed potatoes, please?
627
00:35:04,537 --> 00:35:05,799
Certainly.
628
00:35:05,842 --> 00:35:06,974
Thank you.
629
00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:11,500
Mmm, everything is
delicious, dear.
630
00:35:18,681 --> 00:35:21,989
Did you pick up your condoms
for the prom?
631
00:35:22,032 --> 00:35:23,686
Yeah, they gave 'em out
for free at school today.
632
00:35:23,730 --> 00:35:24,992
- They did?
- Yeah.
633
00:35:25,035 --> 00:35:26,167
Great.
634
00:35:26,211 --> 00:35:27,516
Thanks, though.
635
00:35:36,264 --> 00:35:38,614
Honey, is your vagina ringing?
636
00:35:38,658 --> 00:35:40,138
Dad.
637
00:35:40,181 --> 00:35:41,661
That's ridiculous.
638
00:35:46,709 --> 00:35:48,058
Sounded like it.
639
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:52,541
Okay.
640
00:35:52,585 --> 00:35:54,587
We've learned a lot here.
Class dismissed.
641
00:35:56,241 --> 00:35:58,025
I'll see you all tomorrow.
642
00:35:58,068 --> 00:35:59,896
And remember your permission
slips for the field trip.
643
00:35:59,940 --> 00:36:02,551
These permission slips
are no joke, people, okay?
644
00:36:02,595 --> 00:36:04,205
If you can't find your parents,
645
00:36:04,249 --> 00:36:06,251
they're in their bedroom
doing it.
646
00:36:06,294 --> 00:36:08,340
It's okay, I know,
we still love them.
647
00:36:08,383 --> 00:36:10,211
Okay, yeah [laughing].
648
00:36:10,255 --> 00:36:11,647
He totally wished he could.
649
00:36:11,691 --> 00:36:13,823
Totally.
650
00:36:13,867 --> 00:36:15,999
Hey, Stace, Jess.
651
00:36:16,043 --> 00:36:17,392
Hey.
652
00:36:33,452 --> 00:36:35,323
So, listen, Stace, um...
653
00:36:35,367 --> 00:36:37,412
Mike, can I talk to you
for a second?
654
00:36:41,242 --> 00:36:42,504
Later?
655
00:36:42,548 --> 00:36:44,027
- Yes.
- Awesome.
656
00:36:44,071 --> 00:36:45,072
Okay.
657
00:36:52,297 --> 00:36:53,950
So, Mike.
658
00:36:53,994 --> 00:36:55,996
How are things going
with you and Stacy?
659
00:36:58,085 --> 00:37:01,393
Great, we're really
good friends. We've been--
660
00:37:01,436 --> 00:37:04,352
Hey, don't bullshit
a bullshitter, bro.
661
00:37:04,396 --> 00:37:05,832
I know you're into Stacy.
662
00:37:05,875 --> 00:37:08,356
You wanna, uh, rap about it?
663
00:37:10,924 --> 00:37:13,013
Yeah, I mean, I like Stacy.
664
00:37:13,056 --> 00:37:14,319
- Mmm.
- A lot.
665
00:37:14,362 --> 00:37:15,668
- Mmm.
- I mean, what do I do?
666
00:37:15,711 --> 00:37:18,236
How do I tell her how I feel?
667
00:37:18,279 --> 00:37:20,063
Ah, that's a good question.
668
00:37:20,107 --> 00:37:21,239
You don't.
669
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:23,241
I don't?
670
00:37:23,284 --> 00:37:24,851
No you don't.
671
00:37:25,939 --> 00:37:28,942
You see, Mike, a girl
like Stacy is, ooh,
672
00:37:28,985 --> 00:37:30,813
way out of your league.
673
00:37:30,857 --> 00:37:32,250
Way.
674
00:37:33,512 --> 00:37:35,122
What? What do you mean?
675
00:37:35,165 --> 00:37:37,124
I thought you were all
about breaking the rules
676
00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:39,561
or there are no rules
and that we're all equal.
677
00:37:39,605 --> 00:37:43,043
I am. Just not when it comes
to you and Stacy.
678
00:37:43,086 --> 00:37:44,653
You see, Mike,
679
00:37:44,697 --> 00:37:47,743
a girl like Stacy, to get her,
680
00:37:47,787 --> 00:37:51,051
boy, you need like a
truckload of cough syrup
681
00:37:51,094 --> 00:37:53,706
and a vat of malt liquor.
682
00:37:53,749 --> 00:37:55,838
Really mellow her out,
you know what I mean?
683
00:37:55,882 --> 00:37:57,405
But not knock her out.
684
00:37:57,449 --> 00:37:59,712
That's a whole different
class all together.
685
00:37:59,755 --> 00:38:02,105
- What?
- Mike, you need to go after
686
00:38:02,149 --> 00:38:03,716
something more attainable.
687
00:38:03,759 --> 00:38:04,978
You need to find somebody
688
00:38:05,021 --> 00:38:07,937
who's a lot less prettier.
689
00:38:10,026 --> 00:38:12,420
You might have to go up
a few weight classes.
690
00:38:12,464 --> 00:38:14,335
A little more than you're
uncomfortable with, probably,
691
00:38:14,379 --> 00:38:17,207
a buck 50, two bills,
I'm not sure.
692
00:38:17,251 --> 00:38:19,297
Somebody who hasn't
seen the light of day
693
00:38:19,340 --> 00:38:20,907
in quite a long time.
694
00:38:20,950 --> 00:38:24,606
Acne, scars, fangs
for teeth, bad hygiene,
695
00:38:24,650 --> 00:38:25,781
retarded if you will.
696
00:38:25,825 --> 00:38:27,522
What? Hey.
697
00:38:27,566 --> 00:38:30,569
Sometimes keeping it real
hurts, little bro.
698
00:38:30,612 --> 00:38:32,266
But in the end,
699
00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:33,615
we're all stronger people.
700
00:38:34,573 --> 00:38:37,010
Now go out there
and get an ugly chick.
701
00:38:37,053 --> 00:38:38,228
Or a whore.
702
00:38:38,272 --> 00:38:39,708
Good luck.
703
00:38:39,752 --> 00:38:40,883
Good talk.
704
00:38:43,669 --> 00:38:46,498
Now a quick word
from our sponsor.
705
00:38:48,804 --> 00:38:50,197
Tired of waking up
706
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:52,330
with morning wood?
707
00:38:52,373 --> 00:38:55,507
Embarrassed by untimely hard-ons?
708
00:38:55,550 --> 00:38:59,511
Boners sprouting up at the
most inopportune times?
709
00:38:59,554 --> 00:39:02,252
Well that's why we've
invented Flaccitra.
710
00:39:03,428 --> 00:39:06,039
Flaccitra cuts off
blood to your penis
711
00:39:06,082 --> 00:39:08,389
causing it to shrink
like a frightened turtle.
712
00:39:09,390 --> 00:39:12,350
So for you teenagers
suffering from SBS,
713
00:39:12,393 --> 00:39:14,221
Sudden Boner Syndrome,
714
00:39:14,264 --> 00:39:16,136
try Flaccitra today.
715
00:39:16,179 --> 00:39:18,530
Flaccitra may cause
infertility, mood swings,
716
00:39:18,573 --> 00:39:21,184
loss of appetite, headache,
butt acne, penis leprosy,
717
00:39:21,228 --> 00:39:23,186
scarlet fever,
bloody ejaculations,
718
00:39:23,230 --> 00:39:24,797
and for a complete list
of side effects,
719
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,494
go to flaccitra.com.
720
00:39:26,538 --> 00:39:27,756
Come on, guys.
721
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:29,018
Flaccitra.
722
00:39:39,289 --> 00:39:41,509
This is nice, baby, yeah.
723
00:39:50,518 --> 00:39:51,911
Lizzy, relax.
724
00:39:51,954 --> 00:39:53,303
Everybody farts.
725
00:39:53,347 --> 00:39:54,566
This is huge.
726
00:39:54,609 --> 00:39:56,785
We crossed the fart barrier.
727
00:39:57,917 --> 00:39:59,484
Really?
728
00:39:59,527 --> 00:40:00,572
Ah.
729
00:40:01,616 --> 00:40:03,705
See, it's nothing.
730
00:40:11,844 --> 00:40:13,585
I do feel comfortable with you.
731
00:41:12,687 --> 00:41:13,688
Damn!
732
00:41:13,732 --> 00:41:15,560
Now that's just nasty.
733
00:41:31,967 --> 00:41:33,926
When did you
lose your virginity?
734
00:41:33,969 --> 00:41:38,321
Oh, I was like totally
in 11th grade
735
00:41:38,365 --> 00:41:41,586
and I had sex with Carl Little
736
00:41:41,629 --> 00:41:45,938
in his parents' Winnebago.
737
00:41:47,809 --> 00:41:49,550
Wait, I thought
I was your first.
738
00:41:50,464 --> 00:41:52,597
First one in December, maybe.
739
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:55,948
I'm a total whore! Woo!
740
00:41:57,253 --> 00:41:58,559
But I love you.
741
00:41:59,691 --> 00:42:04,609
And I love you, Carl Little.
742
00:42:05,174 --> 00:42:06,915
Brad!
743
00:42:06,959 --> 00:42:09,004
Brad Little.
744
00:42:09,048 --> 00:42:10,484
Brad Taylor!
745
00:42:10,528 --> 00:42:12,442
Whatever.
746
00:42:12,486 --> 00:42:15,707
The point is,
sluts need love too.
747
00:42:16,708 --> 00:42:18,753
And a whole lot of dick,
am I right?
748
00:42:18,797 --> 00:42:20,233
Woo! Ha ha!
749
00:42:27,632 --> 00:42:30,373
Oh, my God! [moaning]
750
00:42:30,417 --> 00:42:32,375
Hey, man, she was riding you
like a pogo stick huh,
751
00:42:32,419 --> 00:42:33,725
up and down, up and down.
752
00:42:33,768 --> 00:42:35,988
Hold on, hold on,
it gets better.
753
00:42:36,031 --> 00:42:37,555
- Wait for it.
- I'm gonna cum!
754
00:42:37,598 --> 00:42:39,339
- I'm gonna cum!
- Now.
755
00:42:41,820 --> 00:42:43,561
Oh, my God!
756
00:42:43,604 --> 00:42:45,171
Oooh!
757
00:42:45,214 --> 00:42:47,608
Let me introduce you
to the screamer.
758
00:42:47,652 --> 00:42:49,828
Griffin, this chick is amazing.
759
00:42:49,871 --> 00:42:51,481
Which is why I invited her
over here today.
760
00:42:51,525 --> 00:42:52,961
- Yes, sir.
- And we're gonna be right here
761
00:42:53,005 --> 00:42:54,572
to make sure you
go through with it.
762
00:42:54,615 --> 00:42:55,877
We got your little sister's
baby monitor
763
00:42:55,921 --> 00:42:57,487
hooked up in your room.
764
00:42:57,531 --> 00:42:58,706
And we're gonna have
the other end right here
765
00:42:58,750 --> 00:42:59,881
so we can listen in.
766
00:42:59,925 --> 00:43:01,753
No, not happening, guys.
767
00:43:01,796 --> 00:43:02,754
- Not happening?
- No.
768
00:43:02,797 --> 00:43:04,103
- Yes.
- No.
769
00:43:04,146 --> 00:43:05,495
- No.
- That's what you think.
770
00:43:06,584 --> 00:43:08,629
Oh, too late.
771
00:43:08,673 --> 00:43:09,674
Go ahead.
772
00:43:13,286 --> 00:43:14,983
Hi, I'm Mike.
773
00:43:15,027 --> 00:43:16,028
Where's your room?
774
00:43:18,726 --> 00:43:22,600
♪ Oh, my God, oh shit
775
00:43:22,643 --> 00:43:24,950
♪ Oh, my God
776
00:43:24,993 --> 00:43:28,040
♪ I can't believe this
777
00:43:28,083 --> 00:43:29,650
Come here.
778
00:43:29,694 --> 00:43:31,870
♪ Oh, shit
779
00:43:33,001 --> 00:43:36,178
Whoa, you taking your shirt
off immediately like that,
780
00:43:36,222 --> 00:43:38,093
it's kind of tough
for me to say no.
781
00:43:38,137 --> 00:43:39,529
Ooh, you hear that, man?
782
00:43:39,573 --> 00:43:40,792
Her shirt just came off.
It's on!
783
00:43:40,835 --> 00:43:43,621
Oh, it is on, all right.
784
00:43:43,664 --> 00:43:44,883
Put it in me.
785
00:43:46,711 --> 00:43:49,409
Why don't I just grab
some earplugs real quick?
786
00:43:54,153 --> 00:43:56,024
Man oh, hell, no, man,
is it broke?
787
00:44:00,420 --> 00:44:01,769
What are you waiting for?
788
00:44:02,727 --> 00:44:04,293
I'm sorry.
789
00:44:04,337 --> 00:44:06,121
I can't do this.
790
00:44:06,165 --> 00:44:07,557
What?
791
00:44:07,601 --> 00:44:09,168
There's this girl
in my high school,
792
00:44:09,211 --> 00:44:10,735
and I really like her.
793
00:44:10,778 --> 00:44:11,910
Great.
794
00:44:11,953 --> 00:44:13,215
I didn't have a backup plan.
795
00:44:13,259 --> 00:44:15,435
Now I gotta go fuck a trucker
796
00:44:15,478 --> 00:44:18,307
or a cab driver
or a homeless guy.
797
00:44:19,352 --> 00:44:20,875
Do you possibly think that
798
00:44:20,919 --> 00:44:22,137
maybe you could go
through the back door?
799
00:44:22,181 --> 00:44:24,139
Just so you know,
800
00:44:24,183 --> 00:44:26,141
you're giving up a sure thing.
801
00:44:26,185 --> 00:44:28,578
Your friend said that you
were desperate for it.
802
00:44:30,798 --> 00:44:32,147
Last chance.
803
00:44:38,980 --> 00:44:40,155
Man, all this settin' up
we did,
804
00:44:40,199 --> 00:44:41,853
he better not be pussin' out.
805
00:44:41,896 --> 00:44:43,506
He's definitely pussing out.
806
00:44:43,550 --> 00:44:45,857
Let's go see what's going
on with the dumbass.
807
00:44:45,900 --> 00:44:47,380
You like that, don't you?
808
00:44:47,423 --> 00:44:49,512
Ha-ha, we back in action.
809
00:44:49,556 --> 00:44:50,731
Yeah, Mike, [laughing] yes!
810
00:44:52,341 --> 00:44:53,778
Yeah, ha-ha!
811
00:44:53,821 --> 00:44:55,257
Oh man, you hear that?
812
00:44:56,824 --> 00:44:58,347
Yeah.
813
00:44:59,653 --> 00:45:01,307
Ride it, ride it!
814
00:45:01,350 --> 00:45:04,440
My boy's going strong
to the hole, tell him.
815
00:45:04,484 --> 00:45:05,746
She's going nuts!
816
00:45:05,790 --> 00:45:07,617
She wasn't that crazy with me!
817
00:45:10,185 --> 00:45:12,100
Hi, have you guys seen my purse?
818
00:45:13,188 --> 00:45:15,364
♪ Booty booty booty rocking
819
00:45:15,408 --> 00:45:16,670
♪ Show stopping
820
00:45:16,714 --> 00:45:17,715
♪ Everybody back popping
821
00:45:17,758 --> 00:45:19,107
Like that, don't you?
822
00:45:19,151 --> 00:45:20,108
♪ Knees checking girls waking
823
00:45:20,152 --> 00:45:22,241
Shut up.
824
00:45:22,284 --> 00:45:26,593
Oh, Mike, you're so big!
825
00:45:26,636 --> 00:45:28,856
Oh, Mike, I've never been
touched right there, like,
826
00:45:31,990 --> 00:45:33,948
I'm coming, Mike!
I'm about to come!
827
00:45:39,127 --> 00:45:40,302
Get out!
828
00:45:40,346 --> 00:45:41,347
You're such a beast!
829
00:45:41,390 --> 00:45:42,783
I'm your big daddy.
830
00:45:42,827 --> 00:45:45,612
Oh don't call me Rick!
831
00:45:45,655 --> 00:45:46,961
Shh, shh.
832
00:45:48,615 --> 00:45:49,834
All right, home stretch.
833
00:45:49,877 --> 00:45:51,400
Oh, I like that.
834
00:45:51,444 --> 00:45:53,533
I like that, I like that.
835
00:45:55,753 --> 00:45:56,928
Oh, my God.
836
00:45:56,971 --> 00:45:59,017
I'm in love, Mike.
837
00:45:59,060 --> 00:46:00,453
I love you.
838
00:46:01,541 --> 00:46:03,195
I love you, Mike.
839
00:46:03,238 --> 00:46:04,500
♪ Don't know you worth it
840
00:46:04,544 --> 00:46:05,850
♪ Dust it off and jerk it
841
00:46:05,893 --> 00:46:07,025
♪ Jerk it, jerk it
842
00:46:07,068 --> 00:46:08,678
So?
843
00:46:08,722 --> 00:46:13,292
Was it as good for you guys
as it was for me?
844
00:46:13,335 --> 00:46:15,468
You know, I would tell
you to go fuck yourself
845
00:46:15,511 --> 00:46:17,905
but it sounds like you just did.
846
00:46:21,213 --> 00:46:23,693
Now Suzie, I don't know
how to tell you this
847
00:46:23,737 --> 00:46:25,826
so I'm just gonna come
right out and say it.
848
00:46:25,870 --> 00:46:27,262
Say it.
849
00:46:27,306 --> 00:46:29,090
I've been sleeping
with your mama.
850
00:46:30,526 --> 00:46:32,877
- Hank, come on.
- What?
851
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,835
You know I made
an abstinence pledge.
852
00:46:34,879 --> 00:46:36,489
I promised myself I'd wait
853
00:46:36,532 --> 00:46:38,578
until I was sure I was
with the right guy.
854
00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:41,842
Well I thought
I was the right guy.
855
00:46:41,886 --> 00:46:43,626
You might be.
856
00:46:43,670 --> 00:46:44,845
I'm just not sure yet.
857
00:46:46,107 --> 00:46:47,630
But I like you a lot.
858
00:46:59,555 --> 00:47:01,862
Hi, sexually
frustrated teenager!
859
00:47:01,906 --> 00:47:03,690
I'm Bluebally!
860
00:47:03,733 --> 00:47:05,910
And if you and your girlfriend
don't have sex soon,
861
00:47:05,953 --> 00:47:08,869
you're gonna wind up with
a serious case of blue balls!
862
00:47:08,913 --> 00:47:12,960
That's right, your nuts
are gonna turn blue.
863
00:47:13,004 --> 00:47:14,875
Ah, don't be afraid.
864
00:47:14,919 --> 00:47:16,877
I'm here to help.
865
00:47:16,921 --> 00:47:18,487
You've been stiff as a board
866
00:47:18,531 --> 00:47:20,533
for the last two hours!
867
00:47:20,576 --> 00:47:22,578
That means you're
reaching a critical moment
868
00:47:22,622 --> 00:47:25,668
where that good tingly
feeling down there
869
00:47:25,712 --> 00:47:29,759
can quickly turn into an achy
not-so-good feeling.
870
00:47:29,803 --> 00:47:31,413
What do you mean?
871
00:47:32,588 --> 00:47:35,287
See, Hank, right now your
testicles are filled with semen.
872
00:47:35,330 --> 00:47:37,811
And only a little bit's
dripping out.
873
00:47:40,031 --> 00:47:42,947
What you wanna do is ejaculate,
874
00:47:42,990 --> 00:47:44,470
otherwise that backup of jizz
875
00:47:44,513 --> 00:47:46,254
will cause pressure
in your nut sack
876
00:47:46,298 --> 00:47:48,082
to the point of making you
nauseous.
877
00:47:48,126 --> 00:47:50,868
In fact, your genitals
can increase in size
878
00:47:50,911 --> 00:47:53,218
25 to 50 percent!
879
00:47:53,261 --> 00:47:54,784
That's huge!
880
00:47:54,828 --> 00:47:57,222
- So what do I do?
- From where I'm sitting,
881
00:47:57,265 --> 00:47:59,398
even if your girlfriend won't
have intercourse with you,
882
00:47:59,441 --> 00:48:00,921
the least you should be
able to do
883
00:48:00,965 --> 00:48:03,097
is score a hand job.
884
00:48:04,794 --> 00:48:05,795
Judy?
885
00:48:07,319 --> 00:48:10,931
I want you to know that I
really do care about you
886
00:48:10,975 --> 00:48:12,237
and I've known that
since the first time
887
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:14,108
I saw you in Bible study class.
888
00:48:15,849 --> 00:48:16,981
Uh-huh.
889
00:48:18,373 --> 00:48:19,374
Uh-huh.
890
00:48:20,636 --> 00:48:21,681
Uh-huh.
891
00:48:24,510 --> 00:48:26,947
Uh-oh, that's not good.
892
00:48:26,991 --> 00:48:28,209
What do you mean?
893
00:48:28,253 --> 00:48:29,428
With that kind of arousal,
894
00:48:29,471 --> 00:48:30,951
it's only a matter of seconds
895
00:48:30,995 --> 00:48:34,433
before full on
irreversible blue balls!
896
00:48:34,476 --> 00:48:37,436
You better go to the bathroom
and jerk off right now.
897
00:48:37,479 --> 00:48:39,177
- Here?
- Yes, go, go,
898
00:48:39,220 --> 00:48:40,961
There's no time to waste!
Go, get going.
899
00:48:41,005 --> 00:48:43,050
It's a medical emergency!
900
00:48:48,099 --> 00:48:51,493
Oh yeah, you won't see this
on children's television.
901
00:48:51,537 --> 00:48:52,538
Bluebally!
902
00:48:53,756 --> 00:48:55,193
I'll be one second!
903
00:48:55,236 --> 00:48:56,368
Ha-ha!
904
00:48:58,413 --> 00:48:59,937
Oh, yeah!
905
00:48:59,980 --> 00:49:01,373
Oh, yeah!
906
00:49:02,504 --> 00:49:03,505
Man, I'm never gonna get laid.
907
00:49:03,549 --> 00:49:04,680
I'm such a loser.
908
00:49:04,724 --> 00:49:05,943
No you're not.
909
00:49:05,986 --> 00:49:07,727
And I met a girl in a chatroom.
910
00:49:07,770 --> 00:49:09,642
- Did you?
- Yeah.
911
00:49:09,685 --> 00:49:11,383
I mean I met here
in Teenlonelyboys.
912
00:49:11,426 --> 00:49:13,559
'Cause I figured I'm
a teen and I'm lonely.
913
00:49:15,213 --> 00:49:17,128
Anyways, it surprised me
there's not a lot of girls
914
00:49:17,171 --> 00:49:18,956
in that chatroom.
915
00:49:18,999 --> 00:49:21,480
It's mostly older guys
interested in photography.
916
00:49:21,523 --> 00:49:23,221
See, that's kind
of creepy, though.
917
00:49:23,264 --> 00:49:26,137
It is at first, but, you know
918
00:49:26,180 --> 00:49:28,008
once I made it clear
that I was a teen boy
919
00:49:28,052 --> 00:49:29,749
in the market for a teen girl,
920
00:49:29,792 --> 00:49:31,925
ladies were just coming
out of the woodworks.
921
00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:33,187
And now I have a girlfriend.
922
00:49:33,231 --> 00:49:34,536
Her name is Randy.
923
00:49:34,580 --> 00:49:36,451
Isn't that a guy's name?
924
00:49:36,495 --> 00:49:37,539
It's both.
925
00:49:38,627 --> 00:49:40,803
I mean she said she
gets it all the time.
926
00:49:40,847 --> 00:49:42,240
She send you a picture?
927
00:49:42,283 --> 00:49:43,763
No.
928
00:49:43,806 --> 00:49:45,678
But I send her tons of mine.
929
00:49:45,721 --> 00:49:47,288
Most of them are naked.
930
00:49:47,332 --> 00:49:49,290
It's awesome.
931
00:49:49,334 --> 00:49:51,118
Maybe I'll give it a try.
932
00:49:51,162 --> 00:49:52,728
Maybe if you're lucky someday,
933
00:49:52,772 --> 00:49:55,949
you'll have a Randy
just like me.
934
00:50:06,220 --> 00:50:07,830
SweetyPi?
935
00:50:07,874 --> 00:50:09,006
Accept.
936
00:50:11,617 --> 00:50:12,618
Hi.
937
00:50:14,837 --> 00:50:16,143
Hi.
938
00:50:17,405 --> 00:50:18,493
Sex chat?
939
00:50:20,365 --> 00:50:22,410
Sure.
940
00:50:22,454 --> 00:50:24,499
Okay, I'm dressed
in a tight mini dress
941
00:50:24,543 --> 00:50:26,458
walking down a dark alley.
942
00:50:26,501 --> 00:50:29,026
I'm completely alone
and vulnerable.
943
00:50:29,069 --> 00:50:30,897
Then you appear
out of the shadows.
944
00:50:30,940 --> 00:50:33,421
You wear all black with
a ski mask over your head.
945
00:50:34,596 --> 00:50:36,816
You approach me
menacingly and say,
946
00:50:40,124 --> 00:50:41,690
Hey, what's up?
947
00:50:44,911 --> 00:50:46,043
Was that wrong?
948
00:50:46,086 --> 00:50:47,435
Menacing.
949
00:50:47,479 --> 00:50:48,523
Okay.
950
00:50:49,524 --> 00:50:51,570
What are you doing
in my alley?
951
00:50:51,613 --> 00:50:53,789
Oh no,
you stay away from me.
952
00:50:53,833 --> 00:50:57,315
I'm lost, alone,
and half naked.
953
00:50:57,358 --> 00:50:58,881
But I have mace.
954
00:50:58,925 --> 00:51:00,535
Don't try and take
advantage of me.
955
00:51:01,536 --> 00:51:03,408
Okay, sorry, no problem.
956
00:51:03,451 --> 00:51:04,496
Do you need cab money?
957
00:51:05,540 --> 00:51:07,760
Be aggressive. I want it.
958
00:51:09,979 --> 00:51:12,547
Oh. Weird.
959
00:51:12,591 --> 00:51:14,636
I'm afraid I don't
care about mace.
960
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:17,639
Prepare to be attacked, sexually.
961
00:51:19,337 --> 00:51:21,382
That was amazing.
962
00:51:21,426 --> 00:51:23,167
We should meet.
963
00:51:23,210 --> 00:51:25,386
Come to 429 Covington
Avenue, apartment 8
964
00:51:25,430 --> 00:51:26,996
tomorrow night at 10.
965
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:28,128
Wear a mask.
966
00:51:28,172 --> 00:51:30,130
Take me against my will.
967
00:51:30,174 --> 00:51:31,740
Don't break character.
968
00:51:38,182 --> 00:51:40,271
- Oh, hello, dear.
- Oh, hey, Jane.
969
00:51:40,314 --> 00:51:41,968
Doing anything special tonight?
970
00:51:42,011 --> 00:51:45,798
Nope, just baking cookies
for my niece.
971
00:51:45,841 --> 00:51:46,842
Oh.
972
00:52:19,005 --> 00:52:20,006
Just a second!
973
00:52:24,967 --> 00:52:26,578
Did somebody order the rape?
974
00:52:27,492 --> 00:52:30,756
Oh God!
975
00:52:30,799 --> 00:52:32,453
So far so good.
976
00:52:32,497 --> 00:52:34,368
You can run, but you can't hide
977
00:52:34,412 --> 00:52:37,110
from forced sexual intercourse,
978
00:52:37,154 --> 00:52:38,546
you know what I mean?
979
00:52:38,590 --> 00:52:39,504
Ma'am?
980
00:52:40,809 --> 00:52:42,594
Get out!
981
00:52:42,637 --> 00:52:44,117
Gosh, well, yo!
982
00:52:44,161 --> 00:52:46,119
Be careful,
you're gonna hurt me.
983
00:52:46,163 --> 00:52:47,729
I mean, you won't be so feisty
984
00:52:47,773 --> 00:52:50,210
when I'm violating you sexually.
985
00:52:50,254 --> 00:52:51,429
Get out!
986
00:52:58,523 --> 00:52:59,785
What are you?
987
00:53:01,090 --> 00:53:03,223
That won't stop me.
988
00:53:10,274 --> 00:53:11,753
No, you don't.
989
00:53:11,797 --> 00:53:14,495
Oh, shit, I'm sorry.
I'll pay for this.
990
00:53:14,539 --> 00:53:16,193
You stay back, I'm warning you.
991
00:53:16,236 --> 00:53:17,977
I'm scared, yeah, yeah.
992
00:53:18,020 --> 00:53:21,850
I'm scared and-- Oh, my God!
993
00:53:26,638 --> 00:53:28,509
Hang on a second!
994
00:53:28,553 --> 00:53:30,250
Wait, wait a sec!
995
00:53:32,687 --> 00:53:33,775
Oh God!
996
00:53:33,819 --> 00:53:35,255
Oh it's burning!
997
00:53:41,827 --> 00:53:43,220
Did somebody order the rape?
998
00:53:54,709 --> 00:53:56,798
- Fred?
- Oh, hey, Betty.
999
00:53:56,842 --> 00:53:58,235
- Hey.
- How's it going?
1000
00:53:58,278 --> 00:53:59,801
What's wrong?
1001
00:53:59,845 --> 00:54:01,716
Oh, it's just been
kind of a crazy week.
1002
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,110
It's a long story.
1003
00:54:04,153 --> 00:54:05,851
You know, Fred,
I've been thinking.
1004
00:54:05,894 --> 00:54:07,940
We've been friends for
a really long time.
1005
00:54:07,983 --> 00:54:09,071
Yeah, yeah we have.
1006
00:54:10,072 --> 00:54:12,292
Maybe it's time we take
things to the next level.
1007
00:54:12,336 --> 00:54:13,728
Next level?
1008
00:54:15,382 --> 00:54:16,731
Wow.
1009
00:54:22,563 --> 00:54:24,739
Next level!
1010
00:54:24,783 --> 00:54:27,046
Hey baby, this is for you.
1011
00:54:27,089 --> 00:54:29,701
I love you, you're
the only one for me.
1012
00:54:29,744 --> 00:54:31,180
I hope you enjoy.
1013
00:54:49,373 --> 00:54:51,070
Hey, Pat,
1014
00:54:51,113 --> 00:54:53,290
can I borrow a spurt
of your herpes cream?
1015
00:54:53,333 --> 00:54:56,684
Yeah, sure, I'll bring
it over in a minute.
1016
00:55:04,518 --> 00:55:05,563
Oh, oh!
1017
00:55:21,056 --> 00:55:23,363
I'm not in, leave a message.
1018
00:55:23,407 --> 00:55:24,625
Hey, girl, it's Billy Shawn
1019
00:55:24,669 --> 00:55:25,887
from the basketball team.
1020
00:55:25,931 --> 00:55:27,628
Thanks for rocking my world.
1021
00:55:27,672 --> 00:55:31,328
Talk about taking it
to the hole, peace!
1022
00:55:31,371 --> 00:55:32,938
Sorry about that.
1023
00:55:37,508 --> 00:55:40,511
Oh, shit!
1024
00:55:40,554 --> 00:55:41,555
Nice titties!
1025
00:55:48,997 --> 00:55:54,002
Gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp!
1026
00:56:18,026 --> 00:56:19,941
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it,
1027
00:56:19,985 --> 00:56:21,595
I'm gonna do it,
I'm gonna do it.
1028
00:56:21,639 --> 00:56:25,773
I'm there, I'm there,
I'm there, I'm there!
1029
00:56:31,953 --> 00:56:36,044
♪ Put the south in your
mouth pretty baby ♪
1030
00:56:36,088 --> 00:56:38,264
I wanna kiss your mouth.
1031
00:56:39,657 --> 00:56:42,834
Mmm, taste like blueberry.
1032
00:56:42,877 --> 00:56:44,357
So good.
1033
00:56:48,492 --> 00:56:49,667
Oh, God.
1034
00:56:57,588 --> 00:57:00,286
Hi.
1035
00:57:00,329 --> 00:57:01,461
Hi.
1036
00:57:05,465 --> 00:57:07,336
You look like you
just saw a ghost.
1037
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:14,518
I had a really bad dream.
1038
00:57:16,302 --> 00:57:17,390
Oh, sweetie.
1039
00:57:18,435 --> 00:57:20,088
It's okay.
1040
00:57:20,132 --> 00:57:21,263
I'm here.
1041
00:57:28,314 --> 00:57:31,970
I had an amazing time
last night.
1042
00:57:32,013 --> 00:57:34,276
Oh.
1043
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:37,279
I'm sorry.
Do you have a toilet?
1044
00:57:37,323 --> 00:57:39,325
Oh, yeah, it's right over there.
1045
00:57:46,724 --> 00:57:49,422
Mmm, what a night.
1046
00:57:52,599 --> 00:57:53,731
Hello.
1047
00:57:53,774 --> 00:57:55,907
Aah!
1048
00:57:55,950 --> 00:57:57,691
Who the hell are you?
1049
00:57:58,692 --> 00:58:00,868
Why don't you ask your dick?
1050
00:58:00,912 --> 00:58:02,653
What is going on here?
1051
00:58:02,696 --> 00:58:04,306
Relax, Len.
1052
00:58:06,787 --> 00:58:08,572
Oh, look what the cat
dragged in.
1053
00:58:08,615 --> 00:58:09,921
Do you have any matches?
1054
00:58:09,964 --> 00:58:12,097
Fat diarrhea, ugh.
1055
00:58:12,140 --> 00:58:13,794
I'll air that out, all right?
1056
00:58:13,838 --> 00:58:16,797
What I need right now is
for you to leave my house.
1057
00:58:16,841 --> 00:58:18,146
My parents are coming
home this afternoon
1058
00:58:18,190 --> 00:58:19,800
and I need to start cleaning up.
1059
00:58:19,844 --> 00:58:21,541
Those weren't your
parents we met last night?
1060
00:58:21,585 --> 00:58:23,761
My parents are in Cancun.
1061
00:58:23,804 --> 00:58:26,720
Yeah, yeah, right.
1062
00:58:27,765 --> 00:58:30,202
If you say your
parents aren't here,
1063
00:58:30,245 --> 00:58:32,247
then we'll just believe that
your parents weren't here.
1064
00:58:32,291 --> 00:58:34,423
Maybe it was your
aunt and uncle.
1065
00:58:34,467 --> 00:58:38,515
I don't care, I came here
to fuck and get fucked.
1066
00:58:38,558 --> 00:58:41,605
And you know, I got fucked
last night, fucked good.
1067
00:58:41,648 --> 00:58:43,389
Okay, very funny.
1068
00:58:44,477 --> 00:58:46,174
The joke's over. This has been
a delightful little prank
1069
00:58:46,218 --> 00:58:47,785
that you guys have played on me
1070
00:58:47,828 --> 00:58:50,004
but now it's time for you
to respect my wishes
1071
00:58:50,048 --> 00:58:53,312
and please, get the hell
out of my house.
1072
00:58:53,355 --> 00:58:56,750
Pff, yeah, you're right.
1073
00:58:56,794 --> 00:58:58,622
The whole thing was a prank.
1074
00:58:58,665 --> 00:59:00,841
After we invited
you for a threesome,
1075
00:59:00,885 --> 00:59:03,061
I got blueberry yogurt
and I smeared it
1076
00:59:03,104 --> 00:59:05,977
all over my face and your balls.
1077
00:59:06,804 --> 00:59:09,110
Pooh, yeah, all a joke.
1078
00:59:10,155 --> 00:59:12,897
Please, just get the hell out.
1079
00:59:14,638 --> 00:59:15,595
Fine.
1080
00:59:15,639 --> 00:59:16,596
Whatever.
1081
00:59:17,902 --> 00:59:19,251
Please, just leave.
1082
00:59:21,296 --> 00:59:22,515
Ooh, so kind.
1083
00:59:34,005 --> 00:59:36,834
Oh, if you say
your parents aren't here
1084
00:59:36,877 --> 00:59:38,792
then we'll just believe that
your parents aren't here.
1085
00:59:38,836 --> 00:59:40,620
Maybe it was
your aunt and uncle.
1086
00:59:40,664 --> 00:59:41,926
Mm-hmm.
1087
00:59:48,193 --> 00:59:49,411
Oh.
1088
00:59:50,412 --> 00:59:51,588
Thank God.
1089
01:00:04,644 --> 01:00:06,994
Oh, please, God,
don't let them be home.
1090
01:00:07,038 --> 01:00:09,823
I swear I'll never drink again,
1091
01:00:09,867 --> 01:00:11,782
just don't let them be here.
1092
01:00:18,527 --> 01:00:20,225
Hello.
1093
01:00:20,268 --> 01:00:22,923
So you guys are home early.
1094
01:00:25,752 --> 01:00:27,885
Did you just get in?
1095
01:00:31,584 --> 01:00:33,020
How was your second honeymoon?
1096
01:00:35,196 --> 01:00:37,546
No!
1097
01:00:37,590 --> 01:00:40,680
Oh, God, no!
1098
01:00:40,724 --> 01:00:42,377
Get the hell out of our sight.
1099
01:00:47,339 --> 01:00:48,383
Okay.
1100
01:00:49,341 --> 01:00:50,516
Look at you!
1101
01:00:51,343 --> 01:00:53,040
Look at you!
1102
01:01:01,832 --> 01:01:03,094
Len, can we talk?
1103
01:01:05,531 --> 01:01:06,837
Just a minute.
1104
01:01:11,755 --> 01:01:13,321
What, have you been doing
1105
01:01:13,365 --> 01:01:14,845
a little spackling work
on the ceiling?
1106
01:01:14,888 --> 01:01:16,934
Oh God, Dad, no, it's not,
1107
01:01:16,977 --> 01:01:19,023
Your mother and I are
disgusted with you, Len.
1108
01:01:19,066 --> 01:01:20,372
Well.
1109
01:01:20,415 --> 01:01:21,982
Look at her.
1110
01:01:22,026 --> 01:01:23,201
You don't understand.
1111
01:01:23,244 --> 01:01:25,203
Son, I have one question for you
1112
01:01:25,246 --> 01:01:26,770
and I'm only gonna ask it once.
1113
01:01:28,510 --> 01:01:29,990
Have you been sneaking
behind our backs
1114
01:01:30,034 --> 01:01:31,731
and being on a
hidden camera show?
1115
01:01:32,906 --> 01:01:33,820
What?
1116
01:01:33,864 --> 01:01:35,387
Look over there.
1117
01:01:37,084 --> 01:01:38,172
No.
1118
01:01:38,216 --> 01:01:39,913
No, no, no, no you didn't!
1119
01:01:42,220 --> 01:01:44,004
They were in there
the whole time?
1120
01:01:45,310 --> 01:01:46,920
Gotcha!
1121
01:01:46,964 --> 01:01:48,095
No!
1122
01:01:48,139 --> 01:01:49,227
Hey, buddy!
1123
01:01:50,794 --> 01:01:52,230
Look at his face!
1124
01:01:52,273 --> 01:01:53,840
How could you do this to me?
1125
01:01:53,884 --> 01:01:55,363
Wait, who am I?
1126
01:02:00,151 --> 01:02:05,286
We roofied you, honey.
1127
01:02:05,330 --> 01:02:06,984
Wait, wait, wait.
1128
01:02:07,027 --> 01:02:08,637
So I didn't fuck you
and you didn't fuck me?
1129
01:02:08,681 --> 01:02:10,335
Well, I fucked you a little
1130
01:02:10,378 --> 01:02:13,294
but it wasn't all faggy,
I mean come on.
1131
01:02:20,693 --> 01:02:21,955
Tight sphincter.
1132
01:02:28,788 --> 01:02:30,485
So, who's the best lover
1133
01:02:30,529 --> 01:02:32,096
you guys have ever been with?
1134
01:02:32,139 --> 01:02:34,315
Definitely my boyfriend
Ted, he's amazing.
1135
01:02:35,186 --> 01:02:36,796
How about the rest of you?
1136
01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:38,363
I have to say,
1137
01:02:39,494 --> 01:02:41,975
her boyfriend Ted also, yeah.
1138
01:02:42,019 --> 01:02:43,847
When did you sleep with Ted?
1139
01:02:43,890 --> 01:02:46,153
Yeah, I'd have to
say Ted for me too.
1140
01:02:47,111 --> 01:02:48,242
I'd say it's when
Charlotte and I
1141
01:02:48,286 --> 01:02:49,940
both slept with Ted.
1142
01:02:49,983 --> 01:02:51,768
Yeah, that was a great night.
1143
01:02:52,681 --> 01:02:53,726
I'd say Ted too.
1144
01:03:02,126 --> 01:03:03,344
Fellas,
1145
01:03:03,388 --> 01:03:04,998
personal advice from me to you,
1146
01:03:05,042 --> 01:03:06,870
get in there and
shave that shit up.
1147
01:03:06,913 --> 01:03:08,523
Visually, it'll give yourself
1148
01:03:08,567 --> 01:03:09,829
an extra two or three inches.
1149
01:03:09,873 --> 01:03:11,744
Alcohol and sex
1150
01:03:11,788 --> 01:03:13,137
don't mix.
1151
01:03:13,180 --> 01:03:16,053
Cocaine and sex--
1152
01:03:16,096 --> 01:03:18,316
If you don't have
a rubber, don't panic.
1153
01:03:18,359 --> 01:03:20,318
Whatever you do,
watch this, right?
1154
01:03:20,361 --> 01:03:21,406
Hold on a sec, babe,
1155
01:03:21,449 --> 01:03:23,582
let me grab my jimmy hat.
1156
01:03:25,889 --> 01:03:28,239
And then pantomime.
1157
01:03:28,282 --> 01:03:32,025
Oh, it's so small, the rubber.
1158
01:03:33,897 --> 01:03:36,813
And then you lock and load.
1159
01:03:36,856 --> 01:03:38,292
She'll never know.
1160
01:03:42,253 --> 01:03:43,341
Oh, what died?
1161
01:03:45,256 --> 01:03:47,171
You gotta stop being
so comfortable!
1162
01:03:51,566 --> 01:03:53,786
Hey, pretty sweet
field trip huh?
1163
01:03:53,830 --> 01:03:55,570
Yeah, it was cool.
1164
01:03:55,614 --> 01:03:58,225
So Stacy, I wanted
to ask you something.
1165
01:03:58,269 --> 01:04:01,185
Hey man, I'ma catch
you inside, all right?
1166
01:04:01,228 --> 01:04:03,230
So what'd you wanna tell me?
1167
01:04:03,274 --> 01:04:04,275
You know what, it can wait.
1168
01:04:04,318 --> 01:04:05,363
Hey, man.
1169
01:04:05,406 --> 01:04:07,104
Fake any orgasms lately?
1170
01:04:07,147 --> 01:04:08,105
Fuck off.
1171
01:04:08,148 --> 01:04:09,149
What?
1172
01:04:11,108 --> 01:04:12,065
Ew.
1173
01:04:12,109 --> 01:04:13,414
Are you okay?
1174
01:04:14,676 --> 01:04:15,895
Yeah.
1175
01:04:15,939 --> 01:04:17,157
Why is that guy so tall?
1176
01:04:18,593 --> 01:04:20,639
Great.
Yeah, yeah, I should be okay.
1177
01:04:21,814 --> 01:04:22,902
I should probably go
clean up before we eat.
1178
01:04:22,946 --> 01:04:24,512
I'll see you inside?
1179
01:04:24,556 --> 01:04:26,079
Okay.
1180
01:04:32,694 --> 01:04:33,870
Sorry.
1181
01:04:49,320 --> 01:04:50,930
Guys!
1182
01:04:50,974 --> 01:04:53,367
Guys, can someone help
me get off the bus?
1183
01:04:54,455 --> 01:04:55,587
Hello?
1184
01:04:57,545 --> 01:04:58,720
Hello?
1185
01:04:58,764 --> 01:05:00,548
Ah, there you are.
1186
01:05:00,592 --> 01:05:02,333
Everybody's waiting for you.
1187
01:05:02,376 --> 01:05:03,377
Come on.
1188
01:05:21,004 --> 01:05:22,527
Licking, licking.
1189
01:05:23,832 --> 01:05:25,356
Suck suck suck.
1190
01:05:25,399 --> 01:05:28,576
Oh, yeah!
1191
01:05:30,013 --> 01:05:31,666
♪ Shakes in all of Miami
1192
01:05:31,710 --> 01:05:33,581
♪ Tits, keep 'em shaking
1193
01:05:33,625 --> 01:05:35,279
♪ Them things are moneymaking
1194
01:05:35,322 --> 01:05:37,281
♪ Tits, so juicy juicy
1195
01:05:37,324 --> 01:05:38,978
♪ Share your soul to me
1196
01:05:39,022 --> 01:05:40,893
Ooh, yeah!
1197
01:05:41,938 --> 01:05:42,982
That's it, ladies.
1198
01:05:43,026 --> 01:05:44,636
Cut!
1199
01:05:44,679 --> 01:05:45,898
Great job, girls.
1200
01:05:45,942 --> 01:05:48,292
Nancy, nice licking.
1201
01:05:48,335 --> 01:05:49,815
Very good sucking too.
1202
01:05:50,859 --> 01:05:51,991
Okay, he's here.
1203
01:05:52,949 --> 01:05:55,342
It's about time. Listen,
I know it's your first day,
1204
01:05:55,386 --> 01:05:57,736
but we got some stuff
to shoot, all right?
1205
01:05:57,779 --> 01:05:59,042
Now listen.
1206
01:05:59,085 --> 01:06:01,174
The way I view this film,
1207
01:06:01,218 --> 01:06:04,438
it's a spiritual successor
to Rebel Without A Cause.
1208
01:06:04,482 --> 01:06:08,616
Only with a lot more
fucking.
1209
01:06:08,660 --> 01:06:11,315
Right. Um, you guys, I think
there's been a small--
1210
01:06:11,358 --> 01:06:13,534
I'm really looking forward
to working with you.
1211
01:06:14,579 --> 01:06:16,320
Jackie and I are
especially curious
1212
01:06:16,363 --> 01:06:18,278
how you get the name
Gigando-cock.
1213
01:06:18,322 --> 01:06:21,064
Oh, I can't wait
to wrap my hands
1214
01:06:21,107 --> 01:06:23,980
around the biggest
penis in the biz.
1215
01:06:24,023 --> 01:06:26,895
Penis? I haven't heard
that word for a long time.
1216
01:06:26,939 --> 01:06:28,419
I usually just call it dinner.
1217
01:06:29,420 --> 01:06:31,204
Okay, everybody on set!
1218
01:06:33,772 --> 01:06:35,078
I told you they
wouldn't have any beer.
1219
01:06:35,121 --> 01:06:36,818
Oh man, how was I
supposed to know?
1220
01:06:36,862 --> 01:06:39,952
Oh man, sweet car.
1221
01:06:39,996 --> 01:06:42,781
You just helped these
girls fix their car.
1222
01:06:42,824 --> 01:06:45,610
And so to repay you,
you get to bang 'em.
1223
01:06:45,653 --> 01:06:48,569
Now Nancy right here, she's
gonna start by blowing you.
1224
01:06:48,613 --> 01:06:51,094
Then you're gonna do some
backdoor stuff with Jackie.
1225
01:06:51,137 --> 01:06:52,965
Bro, check this out.
1226
01:06:53,009 --> 01:06:56,229
After that, just feel
free to improvise.
1227
01:06:56,273 --> 01:06:57,317
All right.
1228
01:07:00,103 --> 01:07:01,669
Hey, you gonna need a fluffer?
1229
01:07:04,716 --> 01:07:06,152
All righty.
1230
01:07:06,196 --> 01:07:07,588
Let's see that giganto cock.
1231
01:07:09,199 --> 01:07:11,897
And, action!
1232
01:07:12,898 --> 01:07:15,335
Thank you so much
for fixing our car.
1233
01:07:16,293 --> 01:07:18,164
How can we ever repay you?
1234
01:07:32,135 --> 01:07:33,179
What?
1235
01:07:36,008 --> 01:07:36,965
Cut!
1236
01:07:37,009 --> 01:07:38,837
Hey, sorry I'm late.
1237
01:07:39,664 --> 01:07:40,839
I'm Gigando-cock.
1238
01:07:44,277 --> 01:07:45,322
Damn.
1239
01:07:52,155 --> 01:07:55,810
♪ Yeah I'm not Gigando-cock
1240
01:07:55,854 --> 01:08:00,293
♪ I'm just a small town hick
1241
01:08:00,337 --> 01:08:03,905
♪ An 18-year-old virgin
1242
01:08:03,949 --> 01:08:08,693
♪ With a super tiny dick
1243
01:08:08,736 --> 01:08:12,479
♪ Kid I've seen
this once before ♪
1244
01:08:12,523 --> 01:08:17,093
♪ A boy who wished
he was Ang Lee ♪
1245
01:08:17,136 --> 01:08:20,792
♪ Found he couldn't
frame a shot ♪
1246
01:08:20,835 --> 01:08:25,840
♪ That's right, that
little boy was me ♪
1247
01:08:26,624 --> 01:08:29,844
♪ It wasn't my first choice ♪
1248
01:08:29,888 --> 01:08:32,064
My parents think I'm in college.
1249
01:08:33,979 --> 01:08:37,374
♪ Thought I'd be doing theater
1250
01:08:37,417 --> 01:08:40,594
♪ On Broadway
1251
01:08:40,638 --> 01:08:43,815
♪ We're just accidentally
incidentally ♪
1252
01:08:43,858 --> 01:08:46,122
♪ Unintentionally making porn
1253
01:08:46,165 --> 01:08:49,995
♪ Accidentally incidentally
unintentionally ♪
1254
01:08:50,038 --> 01:08:51,214
♪ Making porn
1255
01:08:51,257 --> 01:08:52,737
♪ Not me, I do it
1256
01:08:52,780 --> 01:08:56,088
♪ 'Cause I fucking like it
1257
01:08:56,871 --> 01:09:01,224
♪ Girl on girl pays 50 bucks ♪
1258
01:09:01,267 --> 01:09:05,402
♪ I get double for
backdoor fucks ♪
1259
01:09:05,445 --> 01:09:09,754
♪ How I got here
I'll never know ♪
1260
01:09:09,797 --> 01:09:13,540
♪ Beats Mexico and
that donkey show ♪
1261
01:09:13,584 --> 01:09:15,673
♪ All these tits
got me in the mood ♪
1262
01:09:15,716 --> 01:09:18,154
♪ We're the ones that
should be getting screwed ♪
1263
01:09:18,197 --> 01:09:21,809
♪ Let us be your man whores
1264
01:09:21,853 --> 01:09:26,858
♪ Will someone show
these assholes the door ♪
1265
01:09:28,555 --> 01:09:33,386
♪ I've found my home
here on this porn set ♪
1266
01:09:34,518 --> 01:09:36,694
Better hurry up or
I won't stay wet
1267
01:09:57,193 --> 01:09:58,542
Fuck yeah!
1268
01:10:04,852 --> 01:10:08,552
Wow. Thanks for being
so cool about everything.
1269
01:10:08,595 --> 01:10:10,162
I feel like I should
tell you though.
1270
01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,860
I don't really think
this is the life for me.
1271
01:10:12,904 --> 01:10:13,992
You got balls, kid.
1272
01:10:15,341 --> 01:10:16,734
Very large balls.
1273
01:10:17,822 --> 01:10:20,477
You show that kind of
confidence in real life,
1274
01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:23,001
you're gonna be fine, just fine.
1275
01:10:24,742 --> 01:10:26,352
All right, let's reset.
1276
01:10:26,396 --> 01:10:27,832
Back to one!
1277
01:10:38,451 --> 01:10:40,366
Dude, what happened
in there after we left?
1278
01:10:40,410 --> 01:10:42,238
Feel good to do any
of those chicks?
1279
01:10:50,942 --> 01:10:53,423
Yeah, Mike, that's
what I'm talking about!
1280
01:10:53,466 --> 01:10:54,467
Dude, yes!
1281
01:11:00,343 --> 01:11:01,474
Whoa.
1282
01:11:03,476 --> 01:11:04,651
Look, Stacy.
1283
01:11:06,262 --> 01:11:07,959
I'm not sexually experienced
1284
01:11:08,002 --> 01:11:11,267
and I'm not some famous porn
star named Gigundo-cock.
1285
01:11:12,790 --> 01:11:14,313
Look, I'm just some regular kid
1286
01:11:14,357 --> 01:11:16,097
who just wants to
ask out a very,
1287
01:11:17,490 --> 01:11:18,709
very beautiful girl.
1288
01:11:21,581 --> 01:11:22,800
Don't call past 10.
1289
01:11:23,931 --> 01:11:28,893
My dad'll kill me.
1290
01:11:29,720 --> 01:11:31,852
Screw her for me, dude!
1291
01:11:31,896 --> 01:11:33,245
Yes!
1292
01:11:42,167 --> 01:11:44,430
Fellas, you gotta be
respectful of your ladies.
1293
01:11:44,474 --> 01:11:46,084
Whatever you do,
don't go around your boys
1294
01:11:46,127 --> 01:11:48,913
telling them all the
gruesome details.
1295
01:11:48,956 --> 01:11:51,350
But me on the other hand,
I'm married with two kids.
1296
01:11:51,394 --> 01:11:53,134
I like all dirty stuff.
1297
01:11:53,178 --> 01:11:56,355
This website will go
directly to me and only me.
1298
01:11:56,399 --> 01:12:00,664
Send me all pictures,
streaming videos, letters.
1299
01:12:00,707 --> 01:12:03,057
As bizarre as you want,
I'll read them all
1300
01:12:03,101 --> 01:12:04,320
and masturbate all night.
1301
01:12:04,363 --> 01:12:06,626
Thank you, I'm Matthew Lillard.
1302
01:12:14,460 --> 01:12:16,027
♪ She got that kind of booty
1303
01:12:16,070 --> 01:12:17,942
♪ Hit em up, come in and do me
1304
01:12:17,985 --> 01:12:19,639
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1305
01:12:19,683 --> 01:12:21,467
♪ Just the type that'll
drive you loony ♪
1306
01:12:21,511 --> 01:12:23,164
♪ She got that kind of booty
1307
01:12:23,208 --> 01:12:24,992
♪ Pack it up and
bring it to me ♪
1308
01:12:25,036 --> 01:12:26,820
♪ Smack it up
let's make a movie ♪
1309
01:12:26,864 --> 01:12:28,387
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1310
01:12:28,431 --> 01:12:30,824
Ladies, you do not, I repeat,
1311
01:12:30,868 --> 01:12:34,219
you do not need to have sex
with a guy for him to like you.
1312
01:12:35,699 --> 01:12:36,743
But it definitely helps,
1313
01:12:36,787 --> 01:12:39,311
and if that's too much,
1314
01:12:39,355 --> 01:12:41,008
a blowjob works every time.
1315
01:12:43,010 --> 01:12:45,273
Fuck, I have two daughters,
this is terrible.
1316
01:12:46,405 --> 01:12:47,406
Okay, ready?
1317
01:12:48,973 --> 01:12:50,409
All right.
1318
01:12:50,453 --> 01:12:52,542
Let's see that fire hose!
1319
01:12:56,110 --> 01:12:57,198
Oh yeah!
1320
01:12:57,895 --> 01:12:59,070
Oh yeah!
1321
01:12:59,113 --> 01:13:01,202
- Cut.
- Thank you.
1322
01:13:01,246 --> 01:13:02,726
All right.
1323
01:13:02,769 --> 01:13:04,118
Let's see that cock!
1324
01:13:05,642 --> 01:13:07,470
Sorry.
Do I interact with Blue Bally
1325
01:13:07,513 --> 01:13:08,819
or am I just kinda--
1326
01:13:08,862 --> 01:13:10,168
Let me see
1327
01:13:10,211 --> 01:13:12,083
that long schlong wrinkle stick.
1328
01:13:12,126 --> 01:13:13,432
Oh, Ronny.
1329
01:13:14,346 --> 01:13:15,434
Oh.
1330
01:13:15,478 --> 01:13:16,435
On it.
1331
01:13:21,527 --> 01:13:23,529
You've got balls, kid.
1332
01:13:23,573 --> 01:13:27,315
Big, large, oversized
brass balls.
1333
01:13:27,359 --> 01:13:28,839
Who wants to fuck?
1334
01:13:33,147 --> 01:13:34,932
No?
1335
01:13:34,975 --> 01:13:36,586
Sex is not just a
physical commitment.
1336
01:13:36,629 --> 01:13:38,239
It's an emotional commitment.
1337
01:13:38,283 --> 01:13:40,459
And if you're not
ready to handle that,
1338
01:13:40,503 --> 01:13:43,331
then you should use
an escort service.
1339
01:13:43,375 --> 01:13:45,899
On behalf of all hot
women everywhere,
1340
01:13:45,943 --> 01:13:47,379
I'd like to set the
record straight.
1341
01:13:47,423 --> 01:13:49,947
To all you shallow
disreputable men
1342
01:13:49,990 --> 01:13:52,123
who think that by dropping
a bunch of money on us,
1343
01:13:52,166 --> 01:13:53,472
we'll get you laid.
1344
01:13:53,516 --> 01:13:54,865
To begin with,
1345
01:13:54,908 --> 01:13:56,867
why do we
have to spread our legs
1346
01:13:56,910 --> 01:13:58,695
after three dates?
1347
01:13:58,738 --> 01:14:00,827
That is degrading, disrespectful
1348
01:14:00,871 --> 01:14:02,699
and just plain wrong.
1349
01:14:02,742 --> 01:14:04,788
Dating is about romance.
1350
01:14:04,831 --> 01:14:06,616
Opening the car door for me,
1351
01:14:06,659 --> 01:14:08,835
surprising me with flowers,
1352
01:14:08,879 --> 01:14:10,794
writing a poem,
1353
01:14:10,837 --> 01:14:12,273
letting me suck your cock.
1354
01:14:12,317 --> 01:14:14,188
♪ Shake that booty doody
1355
01:14:14,232 --> 01:14:16,103
♪ Up and down and all around
1356
01:14:16,147 --> 01:14:17,975
♪ Let me go to the ground
1357
01:14:18,018 --> 01:14:19,890
♪ Hey shorty go to town
1358
01:14:19,933 --> 01:14:21,544
♪ Take this move
like Luther Vandy ♪
1359
01:14:21,587 --> 01:14:23,459
♪ So good like chewy candy
1360
01:14:23,502 --> 01:14:25,330
♪ In the middle of Miami
1361
01:14:25,373 --> 01:14:27,201
♪ Come and sit
down on my jimmy ♪
1362
01:14:27,245 --> 01:14:28,855
♪ We could do it
in a big old bed ♪
1363
01:14:28,899 --> 01:14:30,640
♪ Long answer give
me good old head ♪
1364
01:14:30,683 --> 01:14:32,511
♪ Yeah girl that's what I said
1365
01:14:32,555 --> 01:14:34,339
♪ No girl you don't
get no bread ♪
1366
01:14:34,382 --> 01:14:36,123
♪ She got that kind of booty
1367
01:14:36,167 --> 01:14:38,082
♪ Hit em up, come in and do me
1368
01:14:38,125 --> 01:14:39,779
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1369
01:14:39,823 --> 01:14:41,651
♪ That type that'll
drive you loony ♪
1370
01:14:41,694 --> 01:14:43,522
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1371
01:14:43,566 --> 01:14:45,263
♪ Back it up and
bring it to me ♪
1372
01:14:45,306 --> 01:14:47,134
♪ Smack it up
let's make a movie ♪
1373
01:14:47,178 --> 01:14:50,703
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1374
01:14:50,747 --> 01:14:51,748
Bobby.
1375
01:14:52,879 --> 01:14:54,315
Nobody thinks
you're a homosexual
1376
01:14:54,359 --> 01:14:55,752
just because you're
in glee club.
1377
01:14:59,799 --> 01:15:02,454
I'm sorry.
1378
01:15:02,498 --> 01:15:04,456
I'm really sorry.
1379
01:15:04,500 --> 01:15:07,415
♪ I thought
I'd be doing theater ♪
1380
01:15:07,459 --> 01:15:09,940
♪ On Broadway
1381
01:15:12,638 --> 01:15:14,292
Holy shit.
1382
01:15:14,335 --> 01:15:16,468
Porno titties.
1383
01:15:16,512 --> 01:15:18,949
Do you think I learned
this accent for my health?
1384
01:15:18,992 --> 01:15:21,560
Why the hell do you think
I'm going out with you?
1385
01:15:21,604 --> 01:15:23,083
Here's a hint.
1386
01:15:23,127 --> 01:15:25,216
I can't go down on myself,
Sasquatch.
1387
01:15:30,743 --> 01:15:33,006
She's a real beaut, isn't she?
1388
01:15:40,231 --> 01:15:43,713
What did you do to me?
1389
01:15:43,756 --> 01:15:48,282
Ah God,
1390
01:15:56,160 --> 01:15:57,378
My advice about sex,
1391
01:15:57,422 --> 01:15:59,511
be safe, always use protection.
1392
01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:01,905
Unless of course she's
a Vietnamese hooker,
1393
01:16:01,948 --> 01:16:05,822
then...
1394
01:16:05,865 --> 01:16:06,866
take your chances.
1395
01:16:07,824 --> 01:16:10,696
So, remember the
hot woman's credo.
1396
01:16:10,740 --> 01:16:12,829
Put out or get out.
1397
01:16:12,872 --> 01:16:15,309
I mean these puppies
won't suck themselves.
1398
01:16:16,310 --> 01:16:18,312
Do you think I like
going out with you?
1399
01:16:18,356 --> 01:16:19,792
Hell no!
1400
01:16:19,836 --> 01:16:21,228
I'd rather be at home
1401
01:16:21,272 --> 01:16:23,317
using my pocket pistol
on my doll
1402
01:16:23,361 --> 01:16:26,930
than wasting three dates trying
to get laid, Mike Jacobs.
1403
01:16:28,584 --> 01:16:29,672
Did I say that?
1404
01:16:29,715 --> 01:16:30,847
Oh, fuck it.
1405
01:16:30,890 --> 01:16:32,152
He has a small cock anyway.
1406
01:16:33,197 --> 01:16:37,462
My name is Mr. Matthews.
1407
01:16:37,505 --> 01:16:39,551
We're gonna be hands on,
we're gonna dig into it.
1408
01:16:39,595 --> 01:16:42,075
Hell, I'm not afraid to share.
I expose myself.
1409
01:16:42,119 --> 01:16:43,686
I collect pubic hair
1410
01:16:43,729 --> 01:16:45,818
from previous relationships.
1411
01:16:45,862 --> 01:16:47,472
Ooh, look at me, I'm crazy.
1412
01:16:47,515 --> 01:16:49,996
Right, okay, yeah.
1413
01:16:51,171 --> 01:16:53,652
Hey, come on, partner.
1414
01:16:53,696 --> 01:16:55,654
I'm not just a sex ed teacher.
1415
01:16:55,698 --> 01:16:56,829
I'm also a dude,
1416
01:16:56,873 --> 01:16:58,744
flesh and ball.
1417
01:16:58,788 --> 01:17:00,790
Somebody who's got
special needs.
1418
01:17:00,833 --> 01:17:02,226
A blind girl.
1419
01:17:02,269 --> 01:17:03,662
Violently desperate.
1420
01:17:03,706 --> 01:17:05,316
For criminy, a hunchback,
1421
01:17:05,359 --> 01:17:08,101
somebody swinging a bell
in the south of France.
1422
01:17:08,145 --> 01:17:12,062
Glass eye, probably bad
skin, crooked teeth.
1423
01:17:12,105 --> 01:17:13,150
Hooves.
1424
01:17:15,195 --> 01:17:16,675
So what do I do?
1425
01:17:17,763 --> 01:17:22,725
Well, from where I'm
sitting,
1426
01:17:24,161 --> 01:17:25,597
Sorry about that.
1427
01:17:26,903 --> 01:17:27,904
Cut.
1428
01:17:29,949 --> 01:17:31,734
Unless...
1429
01:17:31,777 --> 01:17:34,040
we find a way to
program an auto,
1430
01:17:34,084 --> 01:17:35,651
let me talk that over.
1431
01:17:35,694 --> 01:17:38,915
Unless we can find a
way to find a, geez.
1432
01:17:39,959 --> 01:17:41,787
Unless we find a way
1433
01:17:41,831 --> 01:17:44,964
to make a artificial woman
off your computer and then,
1434
01:17:45,922 --> 01:17:48,968
gosh,
1435
01:17:49,012 --> 01:17:50,840
♪ Shorty got that fat ass
1436
01:17:50,883 --> 01:17:52,668
♪ I'm harder than a math class
1437
01:17:52,711 --> 01:17:54,278
♪ Mommy don't you act though
1438
01:17:54,321 --> 01:17:56,367
♪ Just stop and back up
1439
01:17:56,410 --> 01:17:58,108
♪ Go ahead and
drop that ass low ♪
1440
01:17:58,151 --> 01:17:59,892
♪ Be easy move that ass slow
1441
01:17:59,936 --> 01:18:01,677
♪ Nobody has to know
1442
01:18:01,720 --> 01:18:03,591
♪ We in the corner though
1443
01:18:03,635 --> 01:18:05,332
♪ You sipping champagne
1444
01:18:05,376 --> 01:18:07,117
♪ I'm drinking Cognac
1445
01:18:07,160 --> 01:18:08,771
♪ You do that damn thing
1446
01:18:08,814 --> 01:18:10,729
♪ I get up on that
1447
01:18:10,773 --> 01:18:12,470
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1448
01:18:12,513 --> 01:18:14,341
♪ Hit em up, come in and do me
1449
01:18:14,385 --> 01:18:16,126
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1450
01:18:16,169 --> 01:18:17,867
♪ The type that'll
drive you loony ♪
1451
01:18:17,910 --> 01:18:19,607
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1452
01:18:19,651 --> 01:18:21,435
♪ Back it up
and bring it to me ♪
1453
01:18:21,479 --> 01:18:23,176
♪ Smack it up let's
make a movie ♪
1454
01:18:23,220 --> 01:18:24,874
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1455
01:18:24,917 --> 01:18:27,746
Five, six, seven, eight, go!
1456
01:18:27,790 --> 01:18:31,445
♪ It wasn't my first choice
1457
01:18:31,489 --> 01:18:34,535
My parents think I'm in college.
1458
01:18:34,579 --> 01:18:36,450
Five, six, seven, eight, go!
1459
01:18:36,494 --> 01:18:40,237
♪ It wasn't my first choice
1460
01:18:40,280 --> 01:18:42,935
My parents think I'm in college.
1461
01:18:42,979 --> 01:18:45,808
Five, six, seven, eight, mop!
1462
01:18:45,851 --> 01:18:49,420
♪ It wasn't my first choice
1463
01:18:49,463 --> 01:18:52,336
My parents think I'm in college.
1464
01:18:52,379 --> 01:18:53,380
Cut.
1465
01:18:55,295 --> 01:18:58,255
Hey baby, this is for you.
1466
01:18:58,298 --> 01:19:00,910
I love you.
1467
01:19:07,177 --> 01:19:09,005
You have to be adventurous
1468
01:19:09,048 --> 01:19:10,310
when it comes to sex,
1469
01:19:10,354 --> 01:19:12,095
like carpe diem,
seize the moment.
1470
01:19:12,138 --> 01:19:14,532
As long as there's a naked woman
somewhere in the room,
1471
01:19:14,575 --> 01:19:15,838
it's not gay.
1472
01:19:15,881 --> 01:19:17,796
And it's definitely not cheating
1473
01:19:17,840 --> 01:19:19,972
if you do it with the chick
that turns out to be a dude.
1474
01:19:20,016 --> 01:19:24,194
Especially if he she
is really fucking hot.
1475
01:19:24,237 --> 01:19:26,283
And it's definitely not cheating
1476
01:19:26,326 --> 01:19:28,807
if the chick turns
out to be a dude
1477
01:19:28,851 --> 01:19:30,635
who's really hot
with great tits.
1478
01:19:31,679 --> 01:19:32,811
I like boobs.
1479
01:19:37,424 --> 01:19:39,992
♪ Here we go
1480
01:19:40,036 --> 01:19:42,516
I hope you brought
your appetite.
1481
01:19:42,560 --> 01:19:45,476
Looks like a nice
meal.
1482
01:19:46,999 --> 01:19:49,654
We got ourselves a full meal.
1483
01:19:49,697 --> 01:19:50,873
I hope you brought
your appetite.
1484
01:19:50,916 --> 01:19:53,179
We got a big one.
1485
01:19:53,223 --> 01:19:54,877
Nance, I hope you
brought your appetite.
1486
01:19:55,791 --> 01:19:57,836
Got yourself a man size meal.
1487
01:19:59,620 --> 01:20:01,666
Ladies, you're gonna
get the chance.
1488
01:20:01,709 --> 01:20:04,147
And I hope you both
brought your appetites
1489
01:20:04,190 --> 01:20:06,845
'cause this one's
packing a full meal.
1490
01:20:06,889 --> 01:20:08,064
Don't be nervous, kid.
1491
01:20:08,107 --> 01:20:10,718
Go on there and knock 'em dead.
1492
01:20:12,285 --> 01:20:14,026
And cut.
1493
01:20:14,070 --> 01:20:15,985
It's okay to choke
your partner out.
1494
01:20:16,028 --> 01:20:17,464
It's okay to be choked out.
1495
01:20:17,508 --> 01:20:20,728
Just don't go to
the in excess place.
1496
01:20:20,772 --> 01:20:22,469
♪ Shake that booty
1497
01:20:22,513 --> 01:20:24,428
♪ Keep shake shake shake
1498
01:20:24,471 --> 01:20:25,864
♪ Shake that booty
1499
01:20:25,908 --> 01:20:27,866
♪ Keep shake shake shake
1500
01:20:27,910 --> 01:20:29,781
♪ Up and down a stripper pole
1501
01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:31,609
♪ Got that body on swole
1502
01:20:31,652 --> 01:20:33,524
♪ You know my package right
1503
01:20:33,567 --> 01:20:35,352
♪ You can stay the whole night
1504
01:20:35,395 --> 01:20:37,006
♪ Lady, what you gotta do
1505
01:20:37,049 --> 01:20:38,877
♪ Is keep me
in the back of you ♪
1506
01:20:38,921 --> 01:20:40,705
♪ Nobody do you like I do
1507
01:20:40,748 --> 01:20:42,533
♪ They call me Mr. Mackadoo
1508
01:20:42,576 --> 01:20:44,491
♪ All these tits
got me in the mood ♪
1509
01:20:44,535 --> 01:20:46,842
♪ We're the ones that
should be getting screwed ♪
1510
01:20:46,885 --> 01:20:51,194
♪ Let us be your man whores
1511
01:20:54,066 --> 01:20:56,416
This one is called
the Jason Alexander.
1512
01:20:56,460 --> 01:20:58,201
Or the Napoleon,
I like to call it
1513
01:20:58,244 --> 01:21:01,073
'cause it's mean,
short and angry.
1514
01:21:02,858 --> 01:21:04,511
You know what a sawed
off shotgun looks like,
1515
01:21:04,555 --> 01:21:05,991
this is what it is.
1516
01:21:06,035 --> 01:21:07,732
Or a can of corn. Hmm?
1517
01:21:10,604 --> 01:21:11,649
And cut.
1518
01:21:14,173 --> 01:21:15,914
Cut.
1519
01:21:15,958 --> 01:21:17,394
That's the cut.
1520
01:21:17,437 --> 01:21:18,786
It's also called
the Purple Mushroom
1521
01:21:18,830 --> 01:21:20,353
or the Lord Vader.
1522
01:21:20,397 --> 01:21:22,399
This was from a botched
tranny job, but
1523
01:21:23,530 --> 01:21:26,794
telling you, they
happen, they're real.
1524
01:21:26,838 --> 01:21:28,448
Cut.
1525
01:21:28,492 --> 01:21:30,102
That's the cut.
That was great.
1526
01:21:30,146 --> 01:21:32,104
Hey, excellent.
Let's pass them all around.
1527
01:21:32,148 --> 01:21:33,845
Get a feel for 'em,
grab the shaft,
1528
01:21:33,889 --> 01:21:37,196
cup the balls,
do the whole nine yards.
1529
01:21:38,763 --> 01:21:40,417
Look up.
1530
01:21:43,811 --> 01:21:44,812
Get rid of the smile.
1531
01:21:44,856 --> 01:21:45,857
Sorry.
1532
01:21:46,989 --> 01:21:48,120
Kick the tires
and check the traps,
1533
01:21:48,164 --> 01:21:49,600
if you know what I mean.
1534
01:21:49,643 --> 01:21:51,080
Now this one is
called the Tadpole
1535
01:21:51,123 --> 01:21:52,908
or the Meat Cone, if you will.
1536
01:21:52,951 --> 01:21:53,952
God bless it!
1537
01:21:55,432 --> 01:21:58,130
Now just look action.
1538
01:21:59,871 --> 01:22:01,612
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1539
01:22:01,655 --> 01:22:03,614
♪ Hit em up, come in and do me
1540
01:22:03,657 --> 01:22:05,355
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1541
01:22:05,398 --> 01:22:07,183
♪ The type that'll
drive you loony ♪
1542
01:22:07,226 --> 01:22:08,924
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1543
01:22:08,967 --> 01:22:10,795
♪ Back it up
and bring it to me ♪
1544
01:22:10,838 --> 01:22:12,449
♪ Smack it up,
let's make a movie ♪
1545
01:22:12,492 --> 01:22:14,799
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1546
01:22:25,853 --> 01:22:28,291
And if you can't afford
an escort service,
1547
01:22:28,334 --> 01:22:29,509
find a crack whore.
1548
01:22:30,597 --> 01:22:31,947
It's useful in a pinch.
1549
01:22:34,340 --> 01:22:36,038
Again.
1550
01:22:36,081 --> 01:22:37,300
Scoob.
1551
01:22:37,343 --> 01:22:39,476
You could find a crack whore
1552
01:22:39,519 --> 01:22:41,478
and just hit her with a rock.
1553
01:22:43,436 --> 01:22:45,351
If you can't afford it, just
get a crack whore somewhere.
1554
01:22:46,874 --> 01:22:48,833
Just give her a little rock.
1555
01:22:48,876 --> 01:22:51,096
She'll suck your dick
for a dollar, sorry.
1556
01:22:52,141 --> 01:22:53,751
And cut.
1557
01:22:53,794 --> 01:22:57,146
Well, ladies, I think you
wanna take the long road
1558
01:22:57,189 --> 01:23:00,584
through Dick Town too, yeah.
1559
01:23:01,628 --> 01:23:02,760
So, again,
1560
01:23:02,803 --> 01:23:04,414
my name is Matthew Lillard.
1561
01:23:04,457 --> 01:23:06,024
Thank you for spending
a little time with me.
1562
01:23:06,068 --> 01:23:07,460
I hope my advice has helped,
1563
01:23:07,504 --> 01:23:08,809
and if it hasn't,
1564
01:23:08,853 --> 01:23:09,985
fuck you, dick!
1565
01:23:12,857 --> 01:23:14,163
Cut!
1566
01:23:14,206 --> 01:23:15,686
♪ My darling, the stars
1567
01:23:15,729 --> 01:23:18,994
♪ They shine for you
1568
01:23:19,037 --> 01:23:23,999
♪ My darling of earth,
winter for you ♪
1569
01:23:24,042 --> 01:23:26,784
♪ My darling my
heart skips a beat ♪
1570
01:23:26,827 --> 01:23:31,441
♪ Whenever I think of you
1571
01:23:31,484 --> 01:23:33,878
♪ And under this moon and sky
1572
01:23:33,921 --> 01:23:38,187
♪ I pray and dream that I will
be the one, will be the one ♪
1573
01:23:38,230 --> 01:23:43,018
♪ That you
1574
01:23:43,061 --> 01:23:46,151
♪ Bend
1575
01:23:46,195 --> 01:23:51,156
♪ Over and bang good
and hard from behind ♪
1576
01:23:51,200 --> 01:23:53,115
♪ Have me on all fours
1577
01:23:53,158 --> 01:23:56,466
♪ Howling at the sky
1578
01:23:56,509 --> 01:23:59,164
♪ I'll give your cock
a good long suck ♪
1579
01:23:59,208 --> 01:24:01,993
♪ Then you'll give
me a good hard fuck ♪
1580
01:24:02,037 --> 01:24:04,517
♪ Squeeze my tits
all big and bouncy ♪
1581
01:24:04,561 --> 01:24:06,954
♪ Then spunk all over my body
1582
01:24:06,998 --> 01:24:12,003
♪ I wanna be your butt hot
greasy slut, greasy slut ♪
1583
01:24:12,395 --> 01:24:13,700
♪ Begging for more ♪
1584
01:24:13,744 --> 01:24:16,138
♪ For I can't get enough
1585
01:24:16,181 --> 01:24:20,707
♪ Can't get enough
1586
01:24:20,751 --> 01:24:22,579
♪ When I leave your tool
1587
01:24:22,622 --> 01:24:26,104
♪ Used up, worn and soggy
1588
01:24:26,148 --> 01:24:29,281
♪ I won't stop
then, oh no no no ♪
1589
01:24:29,325 --> 01:24:34,286
♪ I'll become your little
leg humping doggy ♪
1590
01:24:35,635 --> 01:24:40,075
♪ Let me be your
dirty fucking whore ♪
1591
01:24:54,089 --> 01:24:55,220
Hello, Sue?
1592
01:24:55,264 --> 01:24:57,135
Ronny, are you there?
1593
01:24:57,179 --> 01:24:58,702
I think your reception's bad.
1594
01:24:58,745 --> 01:25:02,793
Yeah, I'm in 1864.
Let me move to a window.
1595
01:25:04,708 --> 01:25:06,318
That's better.
1596
01:25:06,362 --> 01:25:09,408
Ronny, are you gonna be okay?
1597
01:25:10,496 --> 01:25:11,497
Yeah.
1598
01:25:12,803 --> 01:25:15,197
For the first time,
I think I am.